The Glass Self
by Viburnum
Summary: AU Misa Amane is a bored university student. While not sure of her feelings for the covetable Light Yagami she decides to find out the identity of the enigma L who wishes to catch the murderer Kira. Misa may get more to what she originally wanted.
1. Curious

**I had various inspirations which had my friends Efad, Auditti and Falguni leading me. **

**This story has many mature themes and scenarios. Not so detailed though.**

**I, unfortunately, don't own the original Death Note anime. **

**The Glass Self**  
_**I**_"Curious"

I remember the lighting the most. At first it was plain, crisp white and then he opted for neon pink. I did not understand why he decided the pinkish hue but possibly because it was slightly synonymous with red; red lights that light the windows of whores in the wrecked red light districts. Maybe it was his fantasy that I be his prostitute: A person he pays for sexual fulfilment, it seems like that already. You can't label some relationships because you don't want to. You feel you'll regret it.

" Misa you look..." he breaks, he sighs, "Great."

But I don't look great all the time. Maybe he wants me to look great. Or maybe he wants me to look great as in the _now_ – skin expelled of clothes, the nude, the attempt of _Venus De Milo_(except with hands), only wearing stockings. I know we will have sex after this.

" I'm only doing this in front of you." It's the closest I've got to him, "I'll never do this in an actual photo-session."

" I know." He says endearingly believing that I just feel bonded to him but in actuality I said it for no real purpose – it was just getting rid of my own self-doubt.

" Matsuda hurry up." I almost glare, " I'm getting cold."

" In a second." He shouldn't be a photographer; he shouldn't even try to be a cop. I heard he was going to take the exam at the academy. His father was a cop. He thought he can do it too. I'm not sure. Matsu isn't really reliable. He is a poor boyfriend: Though he pleases in bed.

" Matsuda...I think..." I almost want to tell him that I'm bored, " ...I'm horny." That's not true.

Matsuda and I had sex.

Then I dumped him.

He really didn't create a commotion as usual.

Probably saw it coming.

I was really bored with life.

After getting into university things dramatically changed and I wasn't bored anymore.

But, why did I remember that part of my life.

At first I think it's because I realized I slept with this other fresher. At first he was photographing something. His major is Math and some other stuff I don't remember.

Yes he was photographing the cherry-blossoms saying how his sister would like them.

I don't remember how but the sex was good.

His name was unusual: it didn't sound Japanese and when I first saw it written I thought it was _Tsuki_, meaning Moon. Then he told me it was Light. I asked him why it was a strange name.

" I don't think it has a long, traceable history like Jhumpa Lahiri's_The Namesake_ but yeah it does sound different."

I looked at him confused and asked who Jhumpa Lahiri was and what was_The Namesake_?

He told me how he recently got interested in Bengali writers and she was one of them.

I told him I wouldn't understand because I was not a bibliophile.

He advised me to read more.

We aren't officially dating

He kinda hinted that he wouldn't mind being my boyfriend.

I, for enigmatic reasons, ignored those suggestions.

Though he was everything a girl could want from a man.

I guess that scared me.

* * *

It was in Psych 101 that I realized I was interested. I heard those noisy girls. The red-headed punk, actually she called herself that, told me that L was probably an old dude-wannabe who wanted to be like Sherlock Holmes. I asked Kakuri what she was talking about. Kayako, this studious cute girl, said that L was a detective no one knew about.

I asked why?

Kayako continued stating that mysterious murders are being committed all around the world targeting criminals and that L made a speech the other day on the news declaring he was going to catch Kira.

I have heard of Kira. You have to be a hibernating bear not to know him or her. Kira was a person acknowledging himself as justice. Seriously a vigilante like that should get a life.

I don't care if he killed the guy who killed my parents. Something told me that he exacted that for his own ego. He won't give a real shit about it.

But this L interested me. Why would he want to catch Kira? Maybe it was for his _or her_ ego too. Or maybe he was curious. It was actually in an odd manner how Kira specifically knew about his victims; and how to reach them. It was scary wasn't it?

" I think L will be able to catch Kira." I confessed.

The red-headed occult fan frowned, " How are you so sure?"

" I'm not sure, just a wild guess..." I smiled, " You can call it wishful thinking. I just think he's determined. Or if it's a _she_ she'll make sure that Kira guy rots in hell."

Kayako beamed, " I want to know who L is; I want to see if he or she is really that smart."

" You know that's not a bad idea." The idea had been forming in my head.

I wanted to meet L.

* * *

I guess like him or her I was also curious.

The boy's name was Lawliet, Lawliet Griffith.

He was the oddball senior everyone wanted to avoid.

He was smart so nerds despised him. He was rich so playboys despised him. He was a caffeine-addict so girls despised him...except Kayako...

"I really like him!" she squealed as loudly as she could in a limited pitch; we were in the library, " I know he is a senior but..."

"Kayako, are you delusional?" Saki looked shocked, " The guy basically wears the same clothes every day." Yeah, I noticed, white long sleeved tee and blue jeans, scruffy visage and stripped white converse sneakers; oddly he didn't look at all unappealing.

" There's more to a man like George Michael stated in his song Freedom." She defended her crush, " I think his major is computer science and Math." She dreamily sighed, " I think I'm in heaven. He's one of those guys who's like me. A bit different."

" That's seriously an understatement." Saki looked disgusted. " If you should have a crush it should be on Light Yagami, that guy is also a senior." She blushed.

" Light studies with him." That got me interested some more.

" Do you know Light Yagami?" Kayako asked.

" Kinda." I remember his bed, his body, his skilful craft at sex and then his lips, swelling ardently as he swallowed me into an erotic world. I know his lusts or at least some of them. He was younger than me and smarter than me and academically my senior.

The dude was too good for me.

" Yeah, it's funny how Light actually studies with him." Saki spoke as if she knew everything, " I mean Light is so great."

" If Light is so great how come he has no girlfriend?" Kayako again putting on the defensive

" Well I think he might become Takada's significant other." She giggled.

" Miss To-oh herself?" I looked dully, " I thought she was dating Ryuuga Hideki."

" Oh Please Misa that relationship is more like eye-candy." She almost scowled, " As some of the boys in the business department say he's not too bright."

" They also say that Light Yagami is a pampered prodigy." I enlightened, " Jealousy seems to work more on the vain."

" I heard it was Hideki who dumped her as she had a 'mightier than thou' attitude." Kayako spoke fast, " I think he could be right."

"...Or envious." Saki defended, " The guy is Superficial beauty."

" It's wrong to judge or speak ill of things and people we don't know." I advised to Saki, " Those type of things should only make us curious not conclusive. We wouldn't like people making assumptions on us."

" We aren't really the life of To-Oh so I think people won't give time to define us." Saki looked vehemently at me; I think she thought I berated her.

" Don't make me miserable!" Kayako squealed, tears almost coming out.

" Oh please face the music Kayako we aren't all that great..." she looked angry then she looked enviously at me, " Except some of us." But no one specifically knew me either.

I got up and was going to return a book when suddenly I looked at the racoon called Lawliet. He looked oddly at a reference book, or what I thought was a reference book – it was a Literature book.

" _Areopagatica_." He murmured.

" What?" I asked suddenly out loud, I guess I was Curious.

" It's Milton, I like him." He smirked, " Do you like him?"

" I don't read that much." I confessed.

" You should read more." The same statement as Light's " Do you want to read it with me?"

" Ok." I don't know why I said Yes and I looked at the page with some scrutiny, "Athens, AreoPagus, that's where the word comes from..."

" Read on." He requested.

I did.

I felt Kayako, I saw stare at me.

I looked at the racoon-eyed boy.

He seemed more human to me up close.

Before I had considered him a Gothic dream.

* * *

I guess the nickname racoon was inspired from the anime _Rurouni Kenshin_. _Venus Di Milo_ was a inspiration from The_GateBackers_ anime. I actually did titbits of _Areopagatica_ in my English 115 class. Hope you like the story so far! 


	2. Ripples In Physiology

_**This Chapter is Dedicated To Motalib Sir  
One Of My Cherished English Teachers in High School  
Who Unfortunately Passed away earlier this week  
MAY ALLAH ALMIGHTY BLESS HIM AND GIVE HIM EDEN'S WORKSHOP SO HE MAY WRITE MORE OF HIS POETRY AND STORIES FOR THAT WILL BE HIS HEAVEN (HE WAS A MODERN-DAY GENIUS)**_

**The Glass Self**  
_**II**_ "Ripples In Physiology"

I look slightly disappointed. The quiz was very easy; how did I manage to do poorly?

A 14 out of 15 – seeing it was only objective questions like M.C.Q.s I was slightly appalled. It was only the first and second chapters, the basic chapters, and it was only because of the silly mistake that I got second place. This was horrendous.

" Well, I got 10 even **without studying**," this student looked happy, " You got 14 **by studying**..." wait, was it a 'higher-than-thou' superior attitude going on here. What a cocky bastard! You are meant to study for exams, if you did better without studying than you might have gotten lucky. Doesn't mean you are better than me Asshole!

" Don't mind him Misa." Saki looked happy, she got a 13 I think, " He might have his panties in a twist." Whatever.

" Misa, congratulations on doing well." Kayako smiled, she scored 15 out of 15, she was cute and smart – you have to really see her to know she's a rose. "Kakuri what did you get?"

" An 8," she almost glared, " Wanna have a parade?"

Kayako looked sad, " Oh, I'm sorry."

Kakuri realized her coarseness and apologized, " So Misa, why the hell did you sit with gawky Griffith the other day?"

" Who?" I kinda forget names at times.

" You know Kayako's_beau_..." Saki teased, " We label him as _Gawky Griffith_."

Kayako flushed, " I detest that label!"

" Well we detest him so live with it babe." Saki gave an irritated look.

" At least he's friendly!" Kayako glared, " Light Yagami is a pampered, spoiled brat and he acts as though he's the king of the world! You should have seen the way he treated Saki when she asked for his eraser in class – as he's a senior he practically didn't look at her as though she was non-existent!"

Saki blushed, " He was ...busy..." weak defence.

" Yeah very busy, feeling up Kiyomi, to him you're just an ugly, worthless girl, Lawliet would have never treated you like that!" Kayako spoke with alerted conviction. Geez girls grow up – have you ever considered you both could be wrong?

"Oi Shut Up at least Light changes his clothes!" Saki screamed viciously.

" Miss Kayako Nanohara and Miss Saki Matsumito! Would you please share with the rest of the class what debatable issues you have conjured in Psch 101 class?!" Miss Sharon Beax looked really furious; she was a British teacher, a red-head and very awesomely endowed with physical attributes and mental extensions.

Both stood up nervously, " Uh, Miss Beax we're sorry..." Kayako politely apologized.

" Please Miss Nanohara, Miss Matsumito, tell me what the debate is about?" Beax sternly gazed at them, I couldn't imagine why not, both were really high-pitched. " From what I heard it's about Gawky-Light, now what does that supposed to mean?"

Everybody laughed while I slightly giggled, and both of blushed like red roses.

" Well Ma'am it's about Light Yagami and Lawliet Griffith – comparing the two geniuses, who's better?" Kakuri answered without any permission.

" Oh Light-sama has to be the best he's so handsome!" a girl's fan attitude piped up.

" Lawliet ain't a polished poodle like that jerk-off Yagami!" a boy screamed.

" No Way Light can be the new _Tennis no Oujisama_!" another boy defended, " Lawliet just...never changes his clothes!"

" I think that he's own personal matter!" A girl screamed, " At least he's not a spoiled brat!"

" Brat! Don't call my Light a brat! He's a **man** unlike that chocolate loving freak Mr. Lawliet!" the same fan-girl who spoke first screamed, "That Lawliet's a child with ADD I tell you! Drinking bouts of sugary coffee and gobbling on cookies! What the fuck is wrong with him?!"

" **It's****you stupid girls who are wrong!** _Tennis No Oujisama_ my foot! That guy ain't a manga character! He's too low to be an awesome manga character! He just practically lunged at Takada Miss "tight-ass" To-Oh! I mean except good grades what good does she has?! Boys like that are utterly tasteless!"

Everyone looked at Kayako. She was definitely Griffith's 'knight-in-shining-armour.' Well Saki was the 'sword-wielder' for Light Yagami.

" **Having****a girlfriend like Kiyomi Takada is an honour!** It shows that he is **well-groomed**,**polished**,**eloquent**and**intelligent**. Such qualities are not present in Gawky Griffith. He may be good at his classes but that's it!"

" Personality Psychology in the flesh." The soft-methodical voice of Miss Beax stunned everyone to present silence. " Your personalities analyze things differently. One side favours Light Yagami and the other Lawliet Griffith. They too are in the same position as you. One likes doctrine while the Other favours liberty."

She had a very enlightening point.

" I think both of them are unique in their own way. They are both geniuses but the remarkable fact comes in the process that their behaviours are so like an antithesis. I think people find it hard to define how two people with the, say, the same IQ or IQ equivalency strays so much in behaviour." I couldn't help but expand upon it.

" Nice point Misa Amane." The teacher commented, " I say this was an interesting class but next time I would like to see more of this kind of passion directed to our academic syllabus."

With that Psych 101 ended.

* * *

" I think she was exaggerating." Kakuri sipped on her Mountain Dew and looked drowsy, " What does Miss TO-OH have to do with **anything**?" 

" Well, I think it's about someone's rep..." I sipped on my Chocolate Milk, " It's power, like in high-school, though there aren't any real cliques anymore the pattern of survival has an almost similar trend. As Virginia Woolf commented in her literary essay_**Modern Fiction**_, some things are just circular."

" If you ask me it's all bullshit and Saki seriously gets on my nerves because of this!" Kakuri incitement prominently reflected her posture, with elbows down on the table and her eyes sharp like ting glass fragments, " I can understand Kayako because she is a lonely, intelligent girl with infatuation but Saki is a worshipper period. I wanted to beat up those Ivy-League type girls in schools – Saki's their 'pretty-smart' breed."

I really didn't know what to say – the cafeteria was crowded with so many students and at the far corner I saw Light eating lunch with Miss TO-OH...Ironic we are talking about them in a sense, " What can you say, she likes a guy with brains."

" Brains minus reality-check." Kakuri seemed to label him.

" Wouldn't that fit our Racoon-boy more?" I questioned.

" Both of them have the disease," she stressed, " Only one seems to keep the parasite without displaying it to others." Then she added, " Wait is Racoon-boy a nickname for Lawliet?"

" I called him that because he reminded me of the cute racoon plushie of Meeko that cute racoon from the animated film _**Pocahontas**_." I giggled, " He has so many dark patches, I wonder if he crams all night long, I wonder if he's nocturnal."

" Wonder if he could be..." Kakuri looked pensive.

" Racoons can function both at night and at day so I won't call them nocturnal." A different voice appeared and was disturbed by 'munching' actions, then resumed," You could say that person is a bat or cuter, a bushbaby ."

I looked at the suggestive Mr. Griffith eating a frosted donut. The cafeteria doesn't have them on Tuesdays, did he buy them from elsewhere, " Uh-well..." I had no idea what to say to the bushbaby comment.

" Hey Gawky, don't interrupt strangers!" Kakuri barked as she was surprised at his presence.

Lawliet looked at her very intricately then blurted, " Yes you are strange with your maroon-pink hair but also cute with your pale Mortisha features and gothic gear." He pointed at her silver-black necklaces and rings.

" W-What!?" she looked very alarmed and blushed as well.

" So do you own a bushbaby?" Lawliet stared at me.

" Uh...no..." I thought was an odd question.

" Do you know what it looks like?" he came closer to my face and stared.

" Misa has no idea..." I thought he was accusing me of some crime.

Then he smiled happily as he swallowed half of his donut! (That needs practice), "Then come to the library so I can show you!" he squeaked and dragged me out of my chair as I stumbled for balance.

" Hey Gawky Griffith let her go!" Kakuri screeched and protested by standing up. My milk spilled on the floor as I felt this forceful magnet grab me.

As I saw the world in a radical blur (I kinda use Photoshop) I saw Kiyomi gasping and Light...was that a glare...a disapproving glare? What could it mean? He was looking irritated.

* * *

His brain was a powerhouse of information. I saw him dazzle me with the amount of knowledge he possessed. He first talked about bushbabies, then androgyny; which lead to his liking of Virginia Woolf's_**Orlando**_, then moving on to homosexuality, heterosexuality and bisexuality (asking me in between what was my chief sex preference and if I am facing any similar or mutual interest in the sexes, I answered that I liked the opposite gender, he answered at one point he had a fascination for boys like the emperor in the anime _ColourCloud Palace. _This is where I blinked – I kinda found that...**hot**...), then he went to tell me about some transformations people undergo in the books _The New Life_ and _Red Dragon_; which were by Orhan Pamuk and Thomas Harris respectively (I didn't know those people), far away from literature he conversed about astronomy and how he liked the song_Venus As A Boy_ by the Icelandic singer Bjork (Who I never heard of). I hadn't muttered a single word of dominance in the conversation. The one-sided conversation ended with him saying: 

" This conversation is kinda getting one- sided isn't it?"

" Misa isn't sure." I buzzed like a bee.

" Uh, why do you sometimes refer to yourself in the third person?" he looked as if he was examining my brain. He seriously fit 'mad scientist'.

" Well, uh, uh, I guess I wanna. It sounds cute." I replied absently. God, where is my brain? Is it on auto-pilot? Is it sleeping?

" Kinda weird." Ok, he just didn't say that.

" **Look****at yourself Racoon-boy!**" I yelled almost startling the librarian, " **You****are the cosmopolitan of weird**!"

The librarian looked around and commanded, "**Quiet!**"

I huffed and puffed and I blew his house down – or so I thought, " Nah, it's still weird." His house was the brick one.

" Well you're weirder." I quietly concluded. He looked defeated. Ok, I won this bout.

" This means we're friends." He smiled absurdly.

" Uh-W-what...?" I looked dumbfounded.

" Friends have opinions on one another." He explained.

" So do enemies." I elaborated.

" But how can we be enemies?" he looked so spaced-out, " Enemies are formed because of wounds, have I wounded you?"

" No." He kinda had a point.

" So, we are friends." He happily chirped.

He was weird but he didn't seem uncouth. I kinda liked him. Saki was wrong. " Ok." I smiled, " We're friends, Racoon-boy."

He looked elated beyond words and suddenly he hugged me, " Oh we'll get along Misa-Misa!"

Misa-Misa?

" Uh, what does Misa-Misa mean?"

" It's your name." He still had his embrace.

" Why are you saying it twice?" I blushed; he seemed to possess a masculine embrace.

" Well it's your nickname." He narrowed his gaze, " You think I'll let you call me Racoon-boy and get away with it?"

I giggled, " Ok, as long I can still call you Racoon-boy and/or Racoony..."

" Ok, Mi-Am!" he chirped.

I frowned, " Let me guess, 'Mi' from Misa and 'Am' from Amane; Another nickname to torment me for my invention of 'Racoony'."

" Yes." He chuckled.

" Ok, Ok." I giggled, " Why do you have to be so smart?"

He looked saddened, " Yes, why indeed...?"

I wonder why that happened. But before I could discern a newspaper caught my eye. It was _**The Flexibility**_, a paper that was issued by the Sakura Network. Sometimes I hated that network. Demezawa, its lead man, seemed more like a tabloid reporter than a serious one.

However, sometimes there was gold. And I was the one in the mine who got lucky. I struck the metal.

I read the paper out slightly aloud:

_**Duel Vision: A Battle For Justice**_

**First View**

_Dear Kira, Kill Everyone.  
This world is garbage.  
Nothing in history or future matters;  
My Mom calls me a slut, so do the boys in school, do does my professor as I fucked him to get the extra grade.  
Oh Kira, you are everything and so you can bring forth the nothing.  
We humans are meant to die.  
We don't live like other animals. We want to be better. I am tired of trying to be better.  
Please end everything.  
You are the only meaning in life.  
You are the bringer of true life.  
That is Armageddon  
I will hope that you do justice oh blessed Angel Of Death._

_Your Faithful Follower,  
Signed M._

**Second View**

_Dear L,_

_Though I am unaware of your true existence, I am aware that you uphold some normal view on justice. What is happening is a series of slaughters concealed with the name of justice. Yes, I oppose Kira because he is insane. At first I too thought that maybe this is better than waiting for a corrupt judicial system to make justice relevant. But when Kira killed Lind L. Taylor, your doppelganger, I knew he was a monster. Kira is a person possessing in his mind the view of autocracy. If we fail to stop him now we will be all under this mysterious, untrustworthy force's rule. I beg you to bring down this monster. I had suffered much in life, my abusers were my parents, my teachers and my schoolmates, they all call me a useless girl or a slut – I despised them and hoped that Kira will bend them, will punish them, will destroy them. But then I realized my erroneous ways of thinking. I am no saint nor do believe I am the supreme sinner but how can I seal fates so randomly. Also, will it be right for Kira to kill off these criminals? Despite crime-rates going down will people be fully rid of scum and misfortune? I think Kira is too hasty and impulsive therefore a thorn to real justice. He is the trickster dressed as the Angel Of Death. Do Justice L and see that Kira pays for his actions._

_A Concerned Citizen  
Signed M._

_**These are the opposite views of Justice. This Journalist believes that this debate is the highlight of the millennium. **_

" They aren't the same girls." Lawliet's voice proliferated me, " Both are in the coincidental range of being girls and both having their first names 'M' though there is the probability that these were pseudonyms or alter-egos or even aftermaths of imaginary friends that were treasured and held as a motif of innocence or persisting imaginary friends. Also, it is fate that the girls are suffering from being outcasts."

" Why not?" I was asking a rhetorical question for I too believed what he believed, " They both use the 'Angel Of Death' as a reference and both seem similar."

" Those are superficial elements." He confidently declared, " Both trains of thoughts are parallel. One is short, curt and worshipping while the other is lengthy, reasoning and firm. The same girl might have an overnight transformation which I doubt the case."

" What if the case was the girl was doing this for fun?" I questioned, " That is she is toying and isn't at all interested about Kira and/or L?"

" Well she is at least perceptive." He concluded, " That is what supporters of both sides are doing."

" I wanna know more." I was seriously interested.

" The supporters of Kira are very desperate while the supporters of L are hesitant, the majority fall in this category. The followers of Kira are direct while L's part are more thoughtful in delving into the matter. They think Kira's powers will have side-effects of corruption."

" So do you support L?' I gazed.

" I'm neutral. I think both of them are desperate. L and Kira." He solemnly uttered.

" Desperate for what?" I looked bewildered.

" Desperate to define truth." Lawliet looked wise, " They both think they have the concrete philosophies of justice."

He was right.

Then I got sidetracked – I saw the book next to his stack of books – "Jhumpa Lahiri...?"

* * *

" Guess what I read _A Temporary Matter_ the first story in Lahiri's _**Interpreter Of Maladies**_!" I did not know why but when I saw Light I just blurted it out. 

" Good for you." Light smiled, " I'm happy that you are reading more." He looked so sincere.

Suddenly Kiyomi came up. She had been walking with him, she gave me a 'question-mark' look, " Aren't you the Fresher Misa Amane?"

" Uh, yes." I answered.

" Oh." She uttered, " Light told me you had mistaken him as a Fresher in your orientation day."

" Yes, I didn't know until later." I giggled.

" Oh, Ok." She looked as though she was bored to death.

" Misa, if you wanted you could have borrowed my book." Light looked happy, " There was no need for you to buy it."

" No, I didn't, I borrowed it from Lawliet." I smiled and I glimpsed Light's smile went 'sunset' all of a sudden. Does he dislike Lawliet?

" Gawky Griffith." Kiyomi looked disapprovingly, " Is he one of your friends?"

" Yes, he is, and it's Lawliet." I sternly answered. I realized Kayako was right with the 'better-than-thou' attitude for Kiyomi. What was her problem?

" I'm sorry but he is kinda weird." She acted like a know-it-all and seriously she didn't look sorry.

" Kiyomi can I talk to Misa alone for a while?" Light suddenly requested.

Kiyomi looked insulted but replied, "Sure." She gave me a cold look and then walked away. Seriously, what was her problem?

" So are you sure you should speak with Lawliet?" he asked suddenly.

" What do you mean?"

" Misa, not to be rude, but the guy is kinda weird."

" You are being rude." I stated.

" Sorry Misa but it's because he can be unpredictable at times meaning in his behaviour; like today he dragged you out of the cafeteria."

" I know but he must be great, you don't know how smart he is, we were talking about L and Kira –"

" Kira and L.' He looked intently, " You actually talked about that."

" Yes." I slowly answered, " Is there something wrong?"

" No, I just never thought you'd be interested." He smiled.

" What you think I'm a dumb blonde?" I looked at him incited.

"No, No, you misunderstand." He apologized, " It's one of my favourite topics as well." He smiled, " So, you said he was smart about this topic, how come?"

" Well he told me how desperate both were to find out the truth of justice."

" That's an interesting concept." Light concluded.

" Well, I think so as well, though it won't really help me that much in narrowing down L." I snorted stubbornly.

" Wait a minute, narrow down L." Light looked confused.

" Yes, I..." I blushed, " I know it's impossible but I wanna know who he is. He...interests me..."

" And what about the identity of Kira?" he smiled encouragingly.

" No Kira doesn't interest me." I bluntly confessed.

" Really?' he questioned.

" Yes, it's only L."

" You think L is better than Kira?" he asked.

" No, I'm not sure about that – I just admire his determination." I explained.

" Oh well, whatever the case, I wanna help." Light smirked, " I wanna spend more time with you."

" But we already have had enough time." I hinted on our sexual intercourse. Does he wanna have sex again? Does he want to cheat Kiyomi with me? I can't play that game. I don't like to.

" Misa." He touched my shoulders, " We are friends right?" it was genuine, " Or you don't like me...anymore?" then he added softly, " I took more photos of cherry blossoms."

" Of course as Misa is your friend, I would like to see them." I smiled. I didn't know but did Light still like me? I think the obvious answer was a 'yes'.

" Well, sure, I'll show them to you next time." He walked off then stopped, " Why do sometimes refer to yourself in the third person?"

I blushed, " Ah, I think it's cute – I don't know! Misa doesn't know!"

He laughed, " Well it sure is weirdly cute!"

I saw him walk off and turned around to have a heart attack.

" Misa-Misa, have some donuts with me!"

Racoon-boy.

* * *

Author's Note: I had various influences which starts with writers Anchee Min, Francis Bacon, and Charles Lamb (Elia) and Virginia Woolf with many writers (I was inspired also by the man who wrote the introduction for Charles Lamb in the Macmillan Edition of _**Essays Of Elia**_ in reference to 'Angel Of Death'). My friends Efad, Auditti and her elder sister, Falguni and Saba included. Also in these influential contributors are my University teachers who I thank whole-heartedly for making me understand things (I did model Miss Beax after my own Psychology 101 Teacher). Also I have heard that Japanese people make nicknames like Mi-Am meaning taking some words from the initial and last names but I was inspired by one of my favourite characters An-te-hai (his dashy name) from _**Empress Orchid**_ by Anchee Min. _**The List goes on with experiences and people from my own life and Motalib Sir is in it always**_. 


	3. Describing Kira:MICTS

**The Glass Self**  
_**III**_ "Describing Kira: Man's Insanity 'converted' to Sanity"

* * *

_**em**__**bry**__**ol**__**o**__**gy**_ /ˌɛmbriˈɒlədʒi/ Pronunciation Key - em-bree-**ol**-_uh_-jee:

–_noun, plural -gies. _

_1._

_the science dealing with the formation, development, structure, and functional activities of embryos. _

_2._

_the origin, growth, and development of an embryo: the embryology of the chick._

_**fe**__**ti**__**cide**_ /ˈfitəˌsaɪd/ Pronunciation Key - **fee**-t_uh_-sahyd:

–_noun _

_the act of destroying a fetus or causing an abortion._

* * *

The act of knowing someone comes naturally in the fact that it is an act of knowing someone. To explain this ambiguity you can entertain yourself with the 'looking glass' fact. The line between abstract and solid can be blurred and in these phenomena of mists one's con-artist is well aware of the advantages. Why I state this long-ass thesis-y statement? It's because Kayako was driving me up the wall. Literally.

She pinned my arms and panted and I was a hundred percent sure that she was going to bite my head off: " You've been spending time with **who **in the library these past weeks!?"

Ok, so these past weeks have been uneventful except for two crucial things: L and L. Ok, this is just a joke but the first L was of course L, the enigmatic savant who is in hot pursuit of Kira and then there was the other L – who was the racoon, semi-cute Lawliet. Now, we haven't really become best buds but seriously I have really started to respect him (though I never truly disrespected him before as Saki always did) and we had become friends in a way. Now, this fact was only known to Kakuri and Saki as Kayako was like a hermit for a couple of weeks due to the midterms; so, when Kakuri casually asked "Is Gawky Griffith gonna sit with you in the library again or you two are just gonna have lunch?" this popped Kayako's eyes out. Kakuri then nervously (the first time I really saw her nervous, seriously) stated my friendship with Kayako's crush. I think Kayako started to hyperventilate. Literally.

" Misa, how could you not tell me!?"

" I'm sorry Kayako..." I muttered, " It really did escape my mind due to the midterms Lawliet was nice enough to study with me and..."

" He-He studied with you..." Oh, God, Kayako looked like she was going to cry; this wasn't good, " You actually talked to him...?"

" Yes, often," I told the truth, " Listen Kayako I'll definitely introduce you to Lawliet, ok."

At this she did a 180, " Really!" ok, make that a 360 because she let go of me (I was at the wall remember) and hugged me as though she was hugging for her life aka I felt my ribs crash and burn like an aeroplane if that were possible (she sure was strong when she was euphoric).

" This means I have a chance!" she squealed in absolute delight.

Kakuri only mournfully nodded, " I wouldn't bet on that..."

To this I surreptitiously slapped her arm and she "ouched" while I looked at her apologetically and signalled her to stand still. As Kayako was required to do a presentation she exited the hallways and descended to the sixth floor computer lab as Kakuri slapped me in my arm and went on an assault:

" Don't give her idea Miss Misa-Misa!" she looked annoyed, Thank God I didn't say to Kayako that 'Misa-Misa' was Lawliet's idea, " Firstly Gawky ain't really dateable material and second what if he doesn't like her at all?" she looked sceptical, " Nowadays the dating and love game is dominated by appearances and sex however wrong those ideologies are the masses submit to them as though they were some kind of wonder drug!"

" True but you don't think Kakuri is pretty?" I looked annoyed.

She helplessly uttered, " Misa, the girl puts on no makeup and she succumbs to the whole girl-scout behaviour." Ok, there was a point in this, " She ain't radical sexy as turn-ons go."

" I don't wear makeup all the time either in fact I kinda abhor it as it makes girl think either too highly or too lowly of themselves..." I stated, " Besides, Kayako does have a lot of potential you know!" I argued, " Don't think that no guy will like her."

Kakuri looked doubtful, " Ok, but..." she looked sceptical once more, " You think too optimistically in this case Misa."

" Who knows?" I smile, " They might fall in love."

" It'll be an absurd freak-show!" a new voice impregnated itself amongst it and it looked livid.

" Gee lighten up Saki..." Kakuri looked irked, "Give Griffith a break! He ain't that bad..."

" Oh please don't sympathize with the retarded." Saki was really sure about that, " I saw That freak eat a dozen donuts today in the cafeteria! It was so disgusting! TO-OH is a respectable university not a slum!"

" Well that means he ain't having lunch with you Misa." Kakuri commented.

I, however, commented differently, " Oh for God's sake Saki please leave Lawliet alone!"

Saki looked annoyed, " Oh, Please, he is strange and –"

" Oh please!" I countered, " Even Light isn't perfect he hardly talks to you even when you wanna strike a conversation."

Saki faltered, "Well- he's a busy and important man – and well-"

" Yeah, right..." Kakuri was annoyed as hell, " That gives him authority to treat you as if you are nonexistent."

" Light is great. Lawliet is a freak. Period..." God, she was dogmatic.

" Lawliet has many great qualities as well!" I was mad, I now knew Lawliet a bit now and though he was strange it gave no authority for Saki to treat him like shit, she ain't the queen of the F-ing world, " I mean Light is good too; yeah, he's great at sex but he ain't perfect!"

Kakuri stared at me, " What-what did you say Misa?" Saki's jaw dropped.

I didn't understand, "What...?" then he hit me: I just confessed that I had sex with Light. Oh God.

"Oh..." there was a smirk on Saki's face, " I see why you don't like Light."

" I never said I didn't like Light..." where was she going with this?

" He **dumped** you didn't he?"

Kakuri suddenly grabbed Saki, " Ok Missy Back off!" Saki looked scared, " God you really are Light's slut! Do you hear yourself! **Did you hear what you** **said to the person who was supposed to be your friend!**"

Saki looked at me, her face was pale. I just started walking, " Oh know what Saki, you can think whatever you want. At least Light stuck it up me as I mattered; where I'm standing you don't so adieu."

Saki looked worried, "Listen Misa I-"

" Shut it!" Kakuri yelled, " I won't take my words back; I never thought you could be a bitch and say such a statement to your friend I mean how **fucked up is that?" **

I went to the bathroom and I wept.

Saki made me look like a slut Light has discarded.

Why?

I just defended Lawliet...

And I did right standing by him

Because at the end of the day I could confidently say

Lawliet was a great Human Being.

* * *

Psych 101

I hadn't spoken to Saki for a week and Kakuri approved of the notion. Kayako was pale and worried but surprisingly angry too – **for my sake.**

" What happened between you and Light was personal," she supported her argument, " It was wrong of Saki to condemn your actions for supporting Lawliet presuming you had a bad intimacy with light."

" **The girl's a bitch period**." Kakuri argued, " I mean Light fucking me this-Light fucking me that I mean even Kayako doesn't lick Griffith's boots though she likes him." Over here Kayako sheepishly grinned, " I mean the way she said that to you – as though you are his slut!"

" I wouldn't judge Saki," I recalled my rude counter, " I became upset that's why I was a bitch to her."

" Screw that! You had a right to defend yourself!" Kakuri yelled, " All these prep-girls think they're queens!"

" Naturally." Kakuri laughed.

I suddenly saw Saki sit down on the other side of Room 1003 (it was in the Civil Engineer's building; just a street away from the main building). Room 1003 was a nice room and I like this room where we all waited for our Psych teacher to arrive. Saki looked across the room where I was sitting and had an apologetic expression; I smiled at her – I didn't want to lose her despite our bad interruption. Unfortunately, Kayako remained emotionless and Kakuri glared discouraging Saki to look at our direction. They seemed to think Saki's actions to be still unpardonable.

Miss Sharon Beax came in and with her came in – Light Yagami!

I heard girls and guys cheer (girls squealing mostly) as the handsome brunette presented himself to us, the academic juniors. I saw Saki seeming to lose focus as her heart must have skipped a beat. Her crush was evident.

" Now class by your reaction I see you know Mr. Light Yagami." She explained, " He's here to ask a question of opposing forces and how good and evil are viewed psychologically by different individuals – it's an extra credit project for both anthropology and psychology." She looked approvingly at him, "He asks me for fifteen minutes of my time and I, being who I am-the best teacher on campus, complied." We all laughed at her euphemistic statement, " Light, please start quickly alright."

" Sure, and thank-you once again Miss Beax." Light smiled, " Hello guys, if you kinda willing to help me, I wanna ask you some basic questions:  
First, How do you define good and evil?"

Saki answered on impulse, " A person's whose qualities are admirable and honorable is good, the reverse is the evil."

" Oh please," a new voice entered and seemed to be mocking Saki's statement, " That's a layman's definition."

It was the explosion of Miss TO-OH and most people exploded with laughter as she slaughtered Saki.

That wasn't funny.

She was being a bitch

" I didn't think so." Light uttered and he looked disapprovingly at Kiyomi for a while, " You're Saki Matsumito aren't you?" he asked and Saki dumbly nodded, shocked, as Light smiled, " Thanks you're a **REAL LIFESAVER** you always gave me your eraser when I needed it."

" Holy crap – **he knows her**." Kakuri's jaw dropped.

" Guess you can't tease her anymore." Kayako giggled.

I smiled as I saw Saki blush and Kiyomi snort. I was happy for her – then I felt a presence.

Light was looking at me and smiling deeply, I felt my face become cherry syrup; why was he…looking at me…like that…?

" Do you agree with Saki's statement Misa?"

Everyone stared at me as Light questioned me. Kiyomi looked hard.

" Well..uh…I…" I was a bit nervous, " Kinda…I mean…" then I got my bearings, " I mean, Evil and Good on the basic line is at Saki described them and if I had been asked the question I would answer with the same form of simplicity as it is clear and establishes something everyone can connect to…" then I stared at Kiyomi, " A layman or even a genius: there is no hierarchy in this definition." She looked shocked as I continued, " But, if we look at it in a deeper way I think Good and evil is biased to the mind; what may seem good to someone may actually be evil to another. And this is how normal people are also distinguished from criminals like arsonists and rapists and the like." Then I divulged, " A current situation of Good versus Evil is L verses Kira or Kira verses L." Now everyone gave me their undivided attention, " I mean some people love Kira while others L; personally, I think Kira is in the wrong."

" How come you can say that?!" it was the attitude boy from last time who bragged about him getting a 10 without studying; he did better than me in the second exam but still disliked me, " Kira is the GREAT MAN – He's a prophet of mercy and righteousness!" Ok, is this dude serious?

" What are you saying!?" This girl and another boy exclaimed, " Kira is an evil genius for certain!"

" I don't think Kira is that bad." Oh My God, Saki, " I think he gives justice to those who deserve it. But I'm neutral. I like him better than L as L is like a government sponsor and Kira is a vigilante."

" I agree." Kakuri agreed with Saki, this was Armageddon, they even both seemed surprised.

" I like L." Kayako and I seemed to be bouncing the same ball, " L is trying to show that human society cannot be impulsive as Kira. Kira, in himself, is a human being and this awesome power he possesses can corrupt him and society period."

" I agree with this young lady." It was Lawliet who entered the class and I was surprised, Kayako looked like she could sprang out of her sea, French-kiss Lawliet and pass out from the euphoria, " I do believe that L is trying to do that but Kira is trying to re-establish society…I have to admire this part of Kira though…"

" You're pretty late." Light smiled then turned to Miss Beax, " Ma'am Lawliet is also doing this extra credit project with Kiyomi and I. It's alright for him to stay? Is it not?"

Miss Beax looked interested, " Yeah sure; I must admit that my fresher students seemed to expertly discuss hot topics."

" Wait a minute Miss Beax don't you think Kira is BLESSING!"

" Miss Beax KIRA IS A CURSE L IS A BLESSING!"

" L IS THE CURSE!"

" WHO CARES THEY'RE BOTH CRAZY!"

" THEY BOTH ARE GONNA BRING THE END OF THE WORLD LIKE IN _X:1999_!"

" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FIRST _TENNIS NO OUJISAMA_ NOW _X:1999_! PLEASE THIS IS NOT A FANDOM!"

" IT IS _X:1999_ I TELL YOU!"

" FUCK APOCALYPSE, KIRA IS EMPEROR, THE NEW JUDGE!"

" NO L IS THE NEW EMPEROR AND THE NEW JUDGE!"

" BOTH OF THEN KICK ASS!"

" WOW! IF THEY ARE BOTH GUYS I BET KIRA AND L CAN DATE EACH OTHER! THAT'S MY YAOI FANTASY!"

" YEAH IF THEY ARE GIRLS YURI FANTASY! OPPOSITES ATTRACT THEORY!"

(Many heads turned to see who had said the last statements. Lawliet's eyes popped out, Though Yaoi was hot I seriously felt my head spin and I swear I heard Light comment, "THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN." As he looked sternly: and looked seriously disgusted.)

" YEAH KIRA AND L ARE GONNA FUCK AND DIE LIKE THAT CRAB SPECIES FROM_ FUTURAMA_!"

" HEY SHOULD THEY HAVE A SITCOM!"

" FUCK THAT KIRA IS HOT!"

" FUCK THAT L IS HOT!"

" EMBRYOLOGY!!"

I screamed so loud that my lungs felt bruised as they appeared to have exploded and splattered

Kiyomi looked repulsively at me.

Lawliet looked like an owl who cocked his head upside-down

Light appeared hazed

And everyone, including Miss Beax, appeared as if some hammer ambushed them from behind.

" Uh, what was that Misa-Misa?" Lawliet kindly asked while Light just sighed as if annoyed; not by me seemingly but by my inquisitor.

" I feel Kira and L in this quest are both like embryos." I explained, " I remember how Lawliet Griffith told me that L and Kira have opposing philosophies pertaining to the same subject: justice." I paused as I realized that every eye was one me, " If you hold this stage of their lives, the quest for justice, than studying them now would be studying two embryos gestating hence embryology." Then I expanded. "But, one of them may be crushed soon and that could be a feticide, an abortion, or self-abortion to the justice being cradled which evidently has become a new entity." I realized something then, " As I don't really side with Kira so I think there was already been a feticide with him before…"

" Wait, if you said that Kira has renounced his old self how come then there be a feticide?" Lawliet questioned interested and attentive, " Will that not fall under the category of homicide; seeing that the old self may have been a matured self?"

" Yes, but that's where the very question lies…" I debated, " I feel Kira was a person pushed over the edge, introduced to some catalyst that he encouraged him to kill so – if his old self was so convinced that his old self was never truly whole so it was still a fetus who had become abnormal to the eyes of his owner hence the term feticide."

" What the hell are you talking about?" Miss TO-OH definitely did not like me and I knew that for sure now, " Embryos and fetuses! Have you gone daft!?"

" It's an opinion so no one is forcing you to follow it." I stated.

" Embryology and Feticide – the variances of man! I like the sound of that!" Lawliet chirped, " Can I use that as my Title Misa-Misa!?"

" Yeah, sure." I smiled and looked at Saki who wore no expressions.

" Kind of think of it you are right…" Lawliet scratched his head, " Kira may not be a mastermind behind control with Lind L. Taylor as a great example." All the time Light looked disturbed, " It states that Kira may be developing rapidly but just like rapid igniting of chemicals he might combust."

" I don't know about combustion," Light commented, " But I do like the terms embryology and feticide: they can be applied to Kira. Because some abortions are considered necessary to criminal masterminds thus their re-awakening is a formation of a new being."

Kiyomi looked so displeased she may have popped up a pimple, " Light, I don't think we should obstruct this **101** class anymore." She really is a condescending-whore with the way she highlighted 101, " Thank-you Miss Beax, for your time." Hell, she should be thanking **us, it was our time as well**.

" No Thank-you." Miss Beax chuckled, " My first semester students are so animated!" she exclaimed,  
" Last time we debated on Lawliet and Light and now L and Kira how splendid!"

Both Lawliet and Light looked at each other astonished. Then Light slowly looked at me and mouthed, " Is that true?" I nodded.

However Lawliet wasn't so quiet about it, " So, who won?!" his eyes dilated in hyperactive enthusiasm. Note to self: advice Gawky that sugar uptake 24/7th isn't always great.

" What do you mean…?" Light looked puzzled.

" Well, I bet it was a popularity contest!" Lawliet chirped, " So did I win?" he looked towards the class especially at me – well, the debate was a draw like this one.

" You actually think you won…?" Wow, Light sure had an ego at times but he looked more amused in a friendly way than egotistical.

Lawliet patted his back, " No hard feelings Light-kun."

Kun…?

Wow, Lawliet must really like Light

Light looked apprehensive about the kun at first then smiled, " Lawliet-san, please don't change okay?"

Kiyomi looked disgusted.

So did Saki

So did Kakuri

Kayako blinked

But I smiled

First time I saw Light approve of Lawliet

* * *

" Hey Misa!"

That was Light.

Gee, he doesn't have his weird girlfriend around.

THANKS TO GOD ALMIGHTY A MILLION TIMES!

That woman seriously has issues.

" Misa, have you had lunch yet?"

" Isn't it kinda late for lunch?" I looked at the time, 3:47 pm.

" Yeah, but I was so caught up with my projects, so, have you eaten?" he smiled.

" No," I giggled as I realized, " I hadn't."

" Good," he took my hand, " I wanna have lunch with you…" he looked sincerely into my eyes, " Is that alright Misa-Misa?" Wait, a minute…Misa-Misa, uh, I'm blushing.

" Yeah sure."

So we are at the students lounge in the seventh floor which was why the English department became crowded more than usual at times. Light and I bit into our turkey sandwiches and Light talked mostly as I was not to rival with his intelligence; I seriously felt that I needed to grow a brain in front of him.

" Misa," he looked doubtfully at me, " You never struck me as the quiet type."

I started laughing, " I'm not really a conversationalist, I mean," I admitted it, " In front of you and Lawliet I'm very dumbfounded."

He seemed quiet for a while, " Talk to me about anything. Please, Misa."

I looked at him, he seemed ethereal. So, I talked about anime, manga, videogames and the latest gothic Lolita fashions. I could have talked about _Ulysses_ and _Odyssey _by James Joyce and Homer respectively but I didn't. I just casually commented on casual things. Because my intellectual endeavors would surely amuse him; I was not as smart as him. This was my point of view.

" So do you dress in Victorian Gothic Lolita dresses?" he asked.

" Yes." I smiled, " I find them exquisite."

" That settles it," he spoke decisively, " I'm gonna do a photo-shoot of you in those kind of clothes ok?"

He seemed euphoric all of a sudden, a trait I've never seen before or in front of Kiyomi, kind of think of it he looked monotonous and inattentive in front of her, "Sure." I looked pleased but inside I was trying to understand if Light liked Miss TO-OH at all.

" Misa-Misa!" Raccoon-eyes.

" Hi Lawliet." I uttered.

" Are you done with lunch?" he looked at me quite attentively.

I looked at Light who was still nibbling, but I was done, "Yeah, uh, is something the matter?"

" No, I just wanted to show you something interesting in my laptop!" he was in hyper-glee; a complete sugar-junkie but, he always seemed happy around me.

I thought Light gave a glare at Lawliet as I turned around and said, " Thank-you for lunch Light, can I please be excused?"

" By all means, please, let's do this again." Light grinned and I smirked as I got up.

When suddenly Kiyomi entered the lounge and saw us. She looked so pale and livid I thought she was gonna scratch me. She pushed my shoulder hard as she walked up to Light.

" Guess you're done with lunch…" then she collapsed right next to him, then took a bite out of his sandwich, " Or maybe not." She looked triumphantly at me.

I just asked Lawliet than we needed to hurry up as I needed to get home soon. I waved at Light as he waved eagerly back; I waved at Kiyomi, she pretended that I was non-existent.

* * *

" You see someone was trying to hack into my laptop."

" What for?" Hell, I was interested.

" Don't know…" he looked excited, " But I've counter-hacked him, he's an American guy."

" Do you know any other information about him?" Ok, he knows how to hack, " Hey Raccoon-eyes when did you learn to – "

" Hack, in Grade One, why?" he said it as though it was eating cake. " And no, he's got maximum security. Must be one of those regular hackers; also, when he realized I got him he totally shut down his system."

" Well, that's too bad." I commented, " Did he screw up your stuff?"

" Nah, I do know he's coming to Japan soon."

" What?" I gazed at Lawliet.

" Yup, saw it in some file. But," he snickered, " He doesn't know I know at what he doesn't know helps me know get it."

Yeah, Lawliet is a genius. If the guy booked online it'll be a synch to grab him literally by the balls.

" So, are you gonna track him?"

" Maybe, if it kills time."

" Ok, is this what you called me for?" I asked.

" Not really, I did something in Photoshop." He opened the file, " Tadaa, Misa-Angel."

It was a painting of me wearing wings, halo and a beautiful white dress. I looked at him and screamed in happiness, " **Lawliet you're wonderful!**"

I hugged him and I heard him whisper, " **And you are the beautiful angel of this world Misa Amane**."

* * *

Author's Note: " I was inspired by a myriad of things which includes friends, family and other animes. I was reading Chapter 109 of Death Note in onemanga . com . A new Kira has appeared it seems and Lawliet was once recorded saying that he doesn't do jobs with a "sense of justice" but he is an immature, childish person who wants to prolong his entertainment (cases). Well, that was something unexpected in a way. I read a bit of "Angel Sanctuary", really cool despite incestuous affair and I read a bit of the ending of "Hot Gimmick" I really, to many extents HATE Ryoki and I HATE Hatsumi almost totally. I'm seeing an anime "I'm gonna be an Angel." That kinda inspired the "Misa-Angel". I got the definitions of "embrology" and "feticide" from dictionary . com Hope you are liking it so far!"

* * *


	4. He Yearns:TLOMAI

* * *

**The Glass Self  
_IV _**"He Yearns: The Line of Mortals and Immortals"

* * *

The world is an ovary. Waiting for the seed; my poignant seed, to impregnate it with the revolution.

* * *

I really don't like her. I can't stand her. But, she has the capacity to help me out of my boredom. Well, to some extents; I mean there aren't many intellects in my university. It's just like high school, with those boys asking after me and telling me to join them to play video games. Naturally, I went at times, naturally, I didn't go at times. This intellect panders obliquely to what restless youths call entertainment.

" Hey, are we going...to that place today?" she asks me and I look indifferently.

" Yeah."

" Ok, afterwards, can we stop by your house?"

"No, not possible; my parents usually are home at that hour and sex with them around is seriously out of the question..." I mean I wouldn't want interruptions; they being the house didn't really matter.

" Yes...well..." she paused then she excitedly pressed her breast against my chest, " I'm happy we are spending time together; you and I have become so...distant..."

" That's life..." I say apathetically, almost rebuking; "It's bound to change and be in a flux..." Not for long though; if things go my way.

" Light, don't you find that Misa Amane to be ANNOYING?"

Ok, where are we going – "Why, do you ask?"

" I mean she follows you around if you are some kind of plushie..." Kiyomi seriously needed to shut-up, " I mean she's a very PROMISCUOUS person from what I heard."

You don't know anything, I've seen her everything – I thought she was promiscuous too (translation: slut – c'mon that's what you're trying to say) but I erred. Funny, I hate mistakes. There is always a 5 chance I make them. And at most times it can be altered to a zero.

" No, sorry, Kiyomi but I really don't feel like that..." Funny, I meant these words very highly.

" Oh..." she looked displeased, as if I had any intention of actually caring, " Well, I think she's infatuated with you..."

**Oh, won't that be sexy? Won't that be gorgeous? Won't that be I thing I love, crave, hauntingly passionately, desirably WANT THE MOST??**

**YES  
OH YES  
THOSE WORDS  
HAVE FUCKED ME**

" Really, I don't think it's a fair account of her Kiyomi..." not to her...she has no right...to dominate Misa...Misa...soon, I can see it, **MY MISA**...because you are already mine...only mine...I'll kill Griffith if he tries to get any closer...Yup, that oddball can kiss his worthless life farewell...a shame, he does have prominent intelligence...he exercises them all so narrowly...

" But, Light, don't you think, she's a little THICK in the head?" You Bitch, how dare you...insult Misa...you fucking worthless slut...

" I don't think that conclusion is just either, I mean she spoke confidently and it was her that introduced Kira Vs L philosophy – funny, but we hadn't really thought of it as a central topic to talk about..." won't it be egotistical if I talked about myself...it might be suspicious and way too easy...I mean who knows more about Kira (myself) than me...?

" But Light we eventually would have; it isn't really a brainteaser." Sadly, so aren't you honey, " I mean those screwed words she used – embryology and feticide – I mean how kooky was that?" At least it sounded great; those concepts though abstract **HAD A LOT OF MEANING**. Misa, do you understand, my wish, to become a god?

" Yes, the Kira Vs L or L Vs Kira thingy is really going around a lot." Fancy me using the word thingy; I don't think I would use it in front of Misa, she might think I've lost my suaveness, " But, I think it is all more important to include it for those reasons."

" But...what about being original?" Kiyomi pouted, seriously, like you are?

" Listen Kiyomi," I really want to end this conversation, " Being original in this case is how you present the paper, we can't just delude ourselves and create anomalies where we want to besides Lawliet may want to help us and he seems interested –"

" Wait a minute! Lawliet! Are you shitting me?!" How dare you interrupt me, " Light! Seriously! That weird fuck will ruin our paper!"

" Weird he is... Fuck he is not..." slowly I calm the tempest, " You should know that his abilities are quite sovereign compared to the masses."

" Sovereign they may be Light , he is still no respectable individual; he is trash and that's why it's easier for him to stay with sluts like Misa!"

Oh...you are the whore my dear Takada...I'll show you your place tonight...

" Kiyomi, seriously can we stop discussing about matters that are not significant." I put down the brainteaser, I mean now what the fuck are you going to do? " I mean why do you have a superiority complex? Lawliet is a whore, Misa is weird..." Just to remind her that she doesn't really matter, to show her I wasn't listening... " I mean can't you be more co-operative? Where's your mind today? Seriously."

" Light...you..." Kiyomi looked weepy, Geez do I need to care now? " Don't understand...I'm merely making suggestions my love, you do please try to understand..." she took my hand and laid it on her breast, is this for arousal? I ain't a virgin you know, " Let's kiss and make-up ok dearie..." Or how about I just pull down your panties and fuck you like a wind-up doll, seriously, by your sleazy personality which has no class I think you were one of those designed automated dolls that losers use to ejaculate, " C'mon Light, baby, don't be angry." Oh My GOD, seriously are you my girlfriend or did I hire you to lick my ass?

I don't think she is what we call _girlfriend_. She is what really sexually guys and girls call _pretend girlfriend_; to label it sweetly – more like hiding the term _sex slave_ or _playmate_ or whatever...**seriously, it sickens me that she is that category**...Because, I want someone who is the goddess, the womb which the god I am to become will savour, give pleasure, arouse, challenge, converse and hold eternal companionship with. **THE ONE I WILL LOVE...WHO WILL TEACH ME LOVE AND I WILL FOREVER ADORE HER AND RESPECT HER AS SHE IS THE GODDESS...NOT THIS SEX-DRIVEN HOLLOW HUMAN IN FRONT OF ME, SHE DISGUSTS ME...MISS TO-OH SHOULD BE MISS FUCK-ME...**

What is her personality?

What is her intelligence?

What is her body?

What is her respect?

My body merges with hers yet my soul flinches and vomits at this physical union. Her orgasms are inundating her being while mine corners me into an abyss that pollutes me. I need a long shower after this.

And all I think is how society worships these women, these candlestick women, who cannot do anything but look beautiful, be the superficial. While bolder breeds capable to bring forth the orgasm called life are ignorantly ignored; this woman is opium and that is what she will be, a potent hallucination, a self made of glass, casted only for this momentary bliss, my momentary un-bliss that keeps me dully reminded that I am no god, yet – but a disgusting human who needs satiation.

Once I am the new god I will have my goddess for this and our union will be a cosmic revelation a birth of true caresses and climaxes and I will be monogamous, for how can a god mate with any other than his goddess? Please, I won't be a cheap god like that fool Zeus. I will be revered as divine retribution, divine ordainment and will also then see the heaven hypothesized by others but it will not be their theory, no, it will be far grander, far more poignant than these dull mortals have devised. I will be beyond Plato, Socrates, Aristotle, The Stoics and all Others because I will be unified with the universe.

I grew frenzied at this future which shall soon be mine...soon, oh, so soon, I know, I am so deep now into her place, this future makes my erection stronger, my body must release this euphoria.

Oh you poor slut, you think your stupid worthless body excites me, ok, I'll let you think that...for now...

She calls out my name as I feel my culmination drawing closer

**I see the goddess calling out my name**

**Asking, Craving, Pleading for more**

**I am also pleading that she gets less exhausted...because I want her...**

**I see her **

Not Takada

**I see her ecstatic**

Not Kiyomi

**The goddess I want is screaming out my name**

Not Kiyomi Takada

**It's that angelic form, the true goddess**

**Misa Amane.**

* * *

" Why is everyone thinking Lawliet is a loser," that's the last thing I want to hear, " I mean I saw these freshers acting like Saki and I lost it seriously because he's my friend." From her.

" Well, I mean, you can't really blame freshers – they are newbies so that's why they act like that..." I answer; really did I use the word newbie?

She looked amused and smiled, well I guess It was worth it – " But still," she went all serious again, "They are guys in your year who also condescend him."

" Well, people can't understand the ploys that promote those behaviourisms in Lawliet..." I answered, it was both truth and the act of creating an impression, " I mean I guess we were both sceptical about him before weren't we?"

" Yes, we were but..." she looked sad, oh, my dear beautiful darling, " I mean I didn't outright say stupid things and cruel statements about him just thought he was uncommon in some ways."

I realized Misa was trembling yet what made her form shiver I was clueless to, yet asked,  
" Does it mean that much to you Misa?" then I explained, " I know he's your friend but there seems to be something aside from being friends...I mean I feel that something else, don't take it the wrong way...but is there?"

Misa looked at the ground, " I know...I know, how he feels..."

" Tell me." Misa, darling, whatever do you mean?

" Ever since I was a child..." Misa inhaled and the weight was evidently portrayed, " I was always teased and condescended...sometimes it was for my hyperactive nature and at times it was due to my looks..." her...looks? " I don't look Japanese so some disgusting parents once commented ' Do you think her father has a mistress?' right in front of some older children who then started calling me 'Bastard little girl' and my classmates imitated them."

" Sorry, but may I ask you something, how is it you have blonde –"

" It's because of my mother Light, she's half Roman, that's why I have these features..." Misa sad smile, my heart, it's breaking, " You see I was always ostracized. I was naive and different. When I grew up I fell in love with a boy, but that boy got angry whenever I didn't listen to him...he then forced me into agreeing to have sex with him...at the last minute I saw how horribly he scrutinized my body...like I was some sex object...I started crying and he tried to slap me...I...punched him...in his face, out of defence and anger."

**That fucker is a dead man**, " Misa I –"

Those crystals

Those crystallized... sadness... waters waving

My Misa was crying, " After that people started thinking I was a slut because he pushed me to the low with bad rumours. I was so upset that I started failing, not that I ever was a good student. I got kicked out of my school and my father and mother were so sad..." Misa, stop, you, " I AM SUCH A FAILURE LIGHT I'M SORRY..." You are crying...I'm breaking with you...

" Misa" I embraced her, she had fallen on the floor, good thing we were in an empty classroom, she gasped, God, how beautiful, " I don't ever want you to be alone..." I clutched her tighter, she was breathing so deeply, " I want you to know I'll be here for you..."

Suddenly, I heard that annoying snicker and I look up and see that he was playing with some strands of Misa's hair, " Light, she's really pretty, is this the way you bed women?"

" Fuck you Ryuk." I swore in a whisper and luckily Misa didn't hear.

However Ryuk turned so annoying I really wish I knew how to kill him, " But Light what did I say? I mean you are gonna use her for sex like you do that Takada girl?"

I ignored that organism and whispered, " Misa..you're one of the few people...I ever...truly...liked...and trusted..."

"Me..." Misa chuckled sadly, " Is it because I gave you my body so easily...?"

It was a stab and Ryuk's after-words sent salt to the wound, " Yeah, you seemed very happy screwing her lights out..." he snickered, " I mean I hadn't seen you happy like that with Takada..." **YOU BASTARD SHUT THE FUCK UP!!**

I shuddered in acidic impulses; angered that our first union was merely consensual sex, angered that my _present girlfriend_ was a stupid slut I didn't want, angered that I hadn't proposed to my Misa before, angered that I first really didn't **think** about her and only cared about her erotic desires and my own, I was sad that now she felt I needed her for erotic applications and not for any other means, I was upset that my body and soul longed for Misa yet I must satisfy a **stupid slut's wishes**, I was sad that I must chase after her and when I did meet her closer my confessions and my emotions were bottled due to things beyond my control, **I was upset that these factors were not mortals nor else I would kill them off one by one but these immortal, inanimate, invisible objects laughed at living, breathing me because I was animate yet I was still _mortal_.**

" Misa..." I brushed her hair, " Unfortunately we got **over-friendly** when we met but..." we both giggled at this remark, she with her sadness and me with my own, " But, I like you a lot and I always want you to be there as a person I can turn to..." **I MEANT THIS BEYOND ANYTHING, IT WAS CRUCIAL TO ME AS CREATING THE NEW WORLD**

" Oh Light, thank-you..." she hugged me back with my heart soaring in Eden, I picked both ourselves up and clutched her, " You know, an intelligent guy like you confiding in me, it's too good to be true." She let go and giggled while my hands were placed soothingly on her shoulders.

Misa, you are **VERY INTELLIGENT**. Unfortunately, some people take immense time to see to their intellectual powers while others bloom earlier. Also, emotionally, your stability and strength compliments my calm and perseverant nature. We are the truest beings in this planet thus we deserve to rule it. As the new god and goddess of this awakened just birth, you are my womb and my seed in your sacred place will be the nascent step to all control and order. We will elevate atonement and judgment to all those hypocrites and our hand will be the divine authority.

" Light, there you are, I was looking for you –" it was that annoying pitch that distorted my vision of the imminent future; seriously, when I become a god I will expose your fraudulent beauty to the world and all you were be worth will be to pleasure men with your body or I will gladly kill you.

" Hello Kiyomi, is something wrong?" my hands never leaving that graceful structure that was Misa's shoulders.

" What are you doing?" It was the point given to Misa vehemently.

" I'm...we are doing nothing Kiyomi." Misa innocently spoke though her distaste was not hidden, it protruded and I loathed that Takada-slut for her interference and my darling's disappointment.

" Surely..." **Kiyomi's condescension was pure as if we two were species above Misa; oh, my dear, it is Misa and I who are above you**, " Light, that Lawliet is calling us...you know how weird he is..."

" Wait, a minute," Misa was on the defensive immediately, my anger soared for my envious heart could not bear that odd man gain support from her supreme strength, " Kiyomi, why are you saying Lawliet is weird, he's just different..."

" Last time I checked it meant weird to be ostracized by everyone in society..." she smirked; seriously, if I could I would kill her.

" **But society is not always right, I mean we see that by example everywhere, mass murders of people in Iraq and America by that STUPID PRESIDENT, people in Pakistan being in political unrest and people in BANGLADESH not GETTING EVEN AN OUNCE OF RICE TO EAT...So let's say society's rules and hierarchies are not always cutting the curb right**." Misa looked so fierce, a lioness in all her superior prime. **GOD SHE WAS A WOMAN**

" How does this have any relevance to Lawliet Griffith?" Kiyomi seriously stop acting dumb, obviously the Gestalt philosophy of the _whole _doesn't apply to you, and as you are definitely not an inborn genius as the Autistic Savant so you are not excused, " Will you please stop saying things that don't matter."

" It does matter and stop calling Lawliet weird!" Misa was appalled and angry; so was I.

" Please Kiyomi stop doing this..." I roughly accentuated my dislike of her petty squabbles, " Misa is right, I told you not to judge Lawliet anymore."

" Are you ordering me to?" Kiyomi looked livid now, where is this coming from? " Light I'm your girlfriend not some lay-around-girl." Kiyomi stared at Misa.

" Excuse me." Misa got the piercing accusation.

" I'm not talking to you..." Bitch, your eyes say everything, " Light, I haven't said anything wrong."

" No, Kiyomi, you are doing a whole lot of wrong." I cannot believe this woman is the intellectual and independent Miss TO-OH, " You are getting everything wrong; why are you being so angry?"

" Light, if you wanna come, come along." She started being all weepy.

" Kiyomi!" Shit, this was bad, and the award for Drama Queen with best emotional blackmailing qualities go to MISS TO-OH, SUPREME SLUT OF JAPAN, " Kiyomi, this is unreasonable, come back here! Please!"

And...I left...Misa...behind...**alone...**

* * *

It was positively stupid. We are at the students' lounge at the eighth floor of the Humanities and Arts building (where Misa did most of her classes and was the building that hosted the central cafeteria). Kiyomi was bawling for God knows what reason and I was barely paying attention to what she was saying. God, it was great that the lounge was empty; nor else I had to act like I cared.

" Light...why...why...why!" She was yelling like a cry-baby, " I mean why?!" uh, you kinda repeated that word several times bitch, " Why?! WHY?!"

" Kiyomi, why are you crying?" Seriously, what the fuck was this girl's problem?

" I mean WHY?!" Kiyomi was stuck on that particular word, " WHY ARE YOU SO CLOSE TO MISA AMANE?!"

That's it, " BECAUSE WE MADE LOVE OK!"

Kiyomi stopped crying and looked at me as though the whole universe ended, " What?"

" Listen Kiyomi," God, at least she stopped her silly bawling, " Before you became my girlfriend I had sex with Misa once and she's a nice girl; I don't want her to think I'm like other boys who are irresponsible and indecent so –"

" Oh God, don't tell me she's pregnant!"

" What?! No, No!" Seriously that thought hadn't even disturbed me or dawned on me, I mean proper protection, heard of that Kiyomi? Misa ain't stupid, she won't just let me...nevermind... " I just want her to know, we are cool and we will always be friends."

" Oh Light, you're so gracious..." Gracious? She was suddenly so horribly sweet it vexed me, " So nice of you to make Misa think positively of herself."

What, what's she saying?

" Kiyomi, I don't understand..."

" I mean c'mon you're further evidence that girl **is a slut** I mean she slept with you and she hardly knows you." Kiyomi snorted with superiority, " I mean a one-night stand, God, talk about whore: I mean I should have realized, with her appearance that screams it – gothic Lolita slut."

" Kiyomi, why are you acting like this," I have never met such an annoying woman in my entirety, "Misa's appearance is fine."

She looked oddly, " But Light she dyes her hair and –"

" It's natural, she's got Roman lineage..." I explained to this dumb fucked up bitch.

" But I'm so much prettier right baby?"

Uh, yeah, whatever, " Kiyomi, why are you calling Misa a slut just because she slept with me...I mean I slept with her too, I did the one-night stand thing as well..."

" But Light," the same breast on chest mechanism, she does this when she believes she is being sensual, it lacks grace and screams 'pick me up' dialogues, " You're a man, it's in your nature to fall helplessly into the whores' traps and a princess like me is there to save you."

**Ok,  
She did not  
Just,  
Say that!**

Now she is inflicting insults upon my sex! Oh My God! No Wonder Ryuuga Hideki dumped her ass!

" Kiyomi..." my pitch dangerously, " Never say that again."

" What..why?"

" Kiyomi." My gaze narrowed, " Not all men are dogs and not all women are whores – promiscuity does not always equal negativity. You are embarrassing yourself."

" What do you mean?!" she looked angry.

" Kiyomi, you are insulting me and Misa with no conscience whatsoever..." I was livid honestly this was worse than seeing injustice occurring everywhere, " Why are you marginalizing men and Misa as flawed ..." I looked deeply, " You sound like a misandrist. Not the reasonable kind, though I never liked misogynists or misandrists."

" Listen Light, you are definitely mistaking me, " she spoke conclusively, " I don't hate men, I just know they are sometimes led by their dicks."

" And I know women who use their pussies as a gauntlet...those women have you as their sponsor..."

Kiyomi looked outraged, " Light! How dare you?!"

" Kiyomi, seriously, I need a break from the nonsensical things you're saying so I will go and find poor Lawliet who's been waiting for us for the twenty minutes we've wasted on this. You can come along if you want to or not."

" Light! Apologize!"

Like Hell I will

* * *

" Sorry Lawliet-san, but I was delayed by forces beyond my control..." God, next time don't assign me to tame the shrew.

" Oh, that's alright." Lawliet looked at me intensely and then approached my face, too close, almost kissing-distance.

" Uh, what...what is it?" I retreated a step, or two.

" You had a fight with Kiyomi right?" he grinned.

" How...how can you tell?" Ok, I didn't know he was telepathic.

" Because I asked Kiyomi to call you, and I noticed that you have some problems at times with Kiyomi – so it was a guess..." he grinned more prominently.

" Well, good guess Griffith." I smirked, " She kinda offended Misa in the process."

" My Misa?"

**Ok, my smile is long-gone**

**What does he mean BY THAT?!**

**SHE'S NOT YOURS YOU DAMN RACOON!**

" Well, I didn't know she was yours..."

" Why do you look so annoyed? I know I sounded odd right now...but, I meant My friend Misa..." then he smiled, " Do you think a girl so beautiful as her will date me?"

Is that a rhetorical question?

I hoped it was

" Hey don't be so hard on yourself." Despite my anger I kinda meant that.

" Well, I've been known as the solitary man," really, he spoke of it in an intense, literary way, " I mean the one who's been here without any female companions of any sort."

" Well, to girls its looks that matters." I recall saying that to Ryuk once as he commented that my handiwork was worth it as an attractive feature to the ladies. He thought as I knew knitting as a man that was quite impressive; however, I don't think girls really care about that, they mostly care about looks just like men even if our genitals doesn't always aid us in making decisions. It's not always a sexual thing rather a human thing. Also, I haven't seen a girl who likes me for me; either 'Light you're so smart' (though that flatters my ego) and 'Light you're so hot' (that flatters my ego as well) though, it's only ego at the end of the day and repetitive things irk me for they usually convert to boredom.

" You..don't really believe that do you Light-kun?" he looked awed and upset; wait, does he actually believe it's personality that attracts people to one another? Maybe, in 5 of the cases but mostly people like to be physical.

" Well, most of the times the sad truth is that people don't care about a person's personality." I confess exactly what I'm thinking; a habit I had to forgo, a needed sacrifice for the person who chooses to become a god.

" I don't believe that Light-kun..." Lawliet looked awfully soft-natured at the moment, it gave him a handsome appearance, which was outrageously true as everyone, myself included, didn't think of him as the aesthetical person, " Because...for people like me...unable to live up to the modern definition of _beauty..._personality is our manna, hope and our miracle...what beautiful people achieve through _exterior aesthetics_ we tend to try to get it with _interior aesthetics_ – if personality can be called such a thing..."

" Well, Lawliet, I, uh," I looked at him a bit strangely due to this sensitive arrangement of words, " I don't know about those things."

" I wanna fall in love..."

" What...??" I thought a sledgehammer struck me, what...what was that...?

" I said I wanna fall in love Light-kun..." Lawliet was looking elsewhere, was he embarrassed saying these things to me? Then why tell? " I know it seems audacious but I really want to have a girlfriend who I love and eventually marry..." so soft, how can he sound so illusive? " I know I want that the most."

" Oh, really?" It was a strange confession which I had no prerequisites to aid me answer it,  
" I surely hope you find the special one then."

" Light, will you marry Kiyomi?"

" NO WAY!" GOD! THAT WAS LIKE SWALLOWING HELL IN ONE GO!

" Thanks for the essential answer then..." he proceeded to sit down in front of his PC and I gawked at him, literally.

" Essential answer...to what?"

" That you don't love Kiyomi." He smiled at me.

" Well, I guess you don't need to love someone to make them your girlfriend..." I was somewhat annoyed. Seriously, I couldn't do love with Kiyomi even if I tried.

" But, do you think you'll love someone soon?" Lawliet looked inquisitively at me, why..why was he asking me this?

" I'm not sure..." for some reason these questions weren't annoying me. Though, they normally do for their intricate, intangible, personal formatting.

" Do you think you'll ever fall in love?"

Misa...I...wanna...say...it...but, I'm...I'm afraid...

" I think not."

" Why...?" he looked stunned and in desperation (or sadness) his eyes widened, " Why Light-kun...?"

" Because..." no, I don't need to say it, " I'm..." stop, I don't want to say it, "Because I'm not brave enough..."

" But, why...?"

" I'm not sure..."

But...I think...I'm in fall...no, I am in love...I love...

" Hmm, " Lawliet sighed, " I think I know that..."

" Whatever can you know?!" I almost yelled at him, **FUCKER, YOU CAUGHT ME OFFGUARD YOU CONNIVING BASTARD!!**

" Because...until recently...I felt the same..."

I kept staring at him

* * *

" Light, you do justice to your species...I knew my boredom would end if I stuck around with you..." my friend-not friend Shinigami spoke effectively as I lay in my bed, " I was really interested to see why you followed Misa into that empty classroom."

" I wasn't stalking her Ryuk, merely seeing what she was doing in Room HA 708 when she doesn't have a class there at noon." I was seriously incited by Ryuk's manners concerning my private matters.

" Huh..." Ryuk pressed his hand upon his chin, " Either it means your powers of observation are thoroughly un-dented or you've become naughty and got her schedule."

" Both." I folded my left knee and swung my right leg over it, I felt awfully dull at the moment, when I have these feelings I usually play video games with Ryuk or practice mathematics, " I wanted to see what she did at times seeing Kiyomi always barges in on us...or more recently Lawliet..."

" Well, isn't it like a stalker to say he's not stalking." Ryuk giggled and my ferocity towards him advanced in mass proportions.

" You've got a BIG MOUTH Shinigami!" I threw a pillow at him, " I told you it was merely to spend some time with her, I told her I saw her routine yesterday so we could hang out...she didn't accuse me of anything so neither can you!"

Ryuk looked dumbfounded and raised his gargantuan hands for the defensive, " Ok, Ok, " he put his hands down, " But..." he tilted his head, " Do you like Misa Amane?"

" Yes." That was the truth.

" So, she's not gonna be there just to satisfy you physically uh, right." He confusedly talked yet captured my glare and continued, " Ok, That means she isn't in the same category as Kiyomi Takada." Then his eyes widened, " Light, that woman seems...I don't know...a bit annoying...can't you get another girl for sex...?"

" Well, other girls I've met so far are also annoying..." I spoke truthfully, " They squeal with absolute joy when they see me and it irritates me when they start talking about fashion and junk that should be non-existent 'cause they are so insignificant."

" But Misa talked about those stuff too..." Ryuk, my dear Shinigami, how pointlessly dumb you are at times.

" Well, Misa has the power to extricate the most prominent features of a subject." It was obvious that this is the certainty in which conversations with her were increasingly exuberant, " Also, Misa can talk about other things besides those things."

" Hmm, what then about Kiyomi...? Is she like that?" Ryuk tilted his head and curiously came closer to me. Usually, he likes leaping about...he looks like a frog to some extents.

" Well, kinda, she can converse well at times but she can get on one's nerves." I recollected her stupid analysis regarded Misa.

" Hmm, Light, why did you make Kiyomi your _girlfriend_ or whatever she is to you?" Good question Ryuk and you look odd with your curiosity so vastly implemented in our conversations. I concluded that Shinigamis may not know much of the world though they are meant to be beyond it.

" Well, I guess I needed one for the popularity and the sex." I grinned, " Not that I couldn't achieve sexual needs elsewhere but in the game of society's hierarchy your sexmate must also be regarded as a classy person."

" True." Ryuk scratched his chin then explored, " Then why not Misa? She's not as popular as Miss TO-OH but she is cute and nice."

My looks were downcast, " I don't know..." I muttered, " At first because it would be odd because we had sex when we were strangers...but...now..." I got up and hugged my elbows, " Now...I don't feel I'm up to it...I'm not brave enough..."

" Light..." Ryuk looked curiously again, " Do you...I mean...will you keep on using Kiyomi?" He looked oddly at me and I stopped hugging myself (so foetal-like insecurity; so not me) but I was upright in that bending-sitting position on my bed.

" Yes." I looked vehemently at my Shinigami, " There's no doubt about it..."

" But Light, I don't fully understand the dynamics of the situation." Ryuk in one statement indicated the need for broader explanations.

" Well, as I said, it is important that I have this relationship so I can maintain a form of social life." I detailed out my designs, " If I withdraw within myself then my parents, peers, etcetera will start suspecting me."

" Not to mention Misa." He pointed seriously.

" Yes...that would be the worse suspicion." His point was essential, " So, it is necessary that I can keep Kiyomi hanging even if it just only a thread in my direction it is needed."

" Yeah, I guess so." Ryuk dully spoke, signs of boredom piqued, " But," then he awakened once more, " But...is that the only reason, knowing the sort of man you are, you are multifarious, so I can't accept that's the only reason you need Kiyomi. Also don't you find it odd that Takada just accepted the fact you slept with Misa but didn't presume _you're sleeping_ with Misa?"

" Oh, whatever, probably she trusts me and Naturally Ryuk, you do seem to know quite a bit of me, now..." my eyes narrowed, " No, that's not the only reason, I decided to use her love, infatuation or dedication or whatever it is to my fullest potential."

" What...do you mean?" Seriously, Ryuk was so excited I felt he was having an erection (If Shinigami have sexual desires)

" Well," I loved this execution too much, " I will ask Kiyomi to do what I ask, so she will sacrifice her worthless life pleasuring me, the best way to make her somewhat worthy. She will be my marionette and that will be her only purpose. Also, I have to use her as my doll, recently there was a hacking on Lawliet's computer and I think it was L suspecting someone in our university. I'm sure Kiyomi will be my perfect cover to play the clueless, innocent, university student. She will become the martyr of _our love."_

I couldn't resist. I snickered and then I gave out a euphoric laugh. Oh, how sweet these designs were.

"Well, Light, that does sound interesting." Ryuk closed his eyes and folded his arms, " You do know how to provide entertainment; though, that's not a very original idea seeing that I've seen others who had the DeathNote before use their so-call love to do their bidding...but, I know you won't be all melodramatic as them."

" Really?" I looked deviously at him, " Are you some kind of twisted Eros Ryuk? Didn't think I would see my Shinigami do that..."

" For your information." He grinned, " I'm not really your anything."

" True, but you are being entertained by my services so right now you're like my audience or my employee." I quickly pushed the truth towards him.

" Yes, that's true..." he chuckled, " But about that Eros thing I could fashion myself as that."

" So you are mischievous as Puck from Shakespeare's **_Midsummer's Night's Dream_**." I laughed,  
" Honestly Ryuk if I ever wanted a more potent love potion I'll just liquefy myself!"

" Well, you can act cocky, girls literally can die for you." Ryuk smiled approvingly.

" Though..." I muttered, " I wouldn't want Misa to die...for me...ever..."

" I guess if you keep playing your cards right Misa will become the empress of this new world you're trying to make..." Ryuk encouraged with an actual pat on my back.

" Yeah." I smiled, " That's definitely what I want."

Pure Ecstasy.

" Light!" there was that interrupting knock, gee, way to lose a moment, " It's your girlfriend Kiyomi Takada." Ok, now I seriously lost my moment.

I opened my locked door and saw Sayu looking distressed, " What's up?"

" She's been...kinda...down, I mean she's sobbing." Great, hearing this from Sayu was a real fuck-on.

" I got it." I spoke casually and locked my door once more.

" Gee Light," Ryuk laughed, " Your sexmate calls fast!"

I gave him a disapproving look then "helloed" at my so-called girlfriend, who whispered, " I'm sorry Light...I love you, you know that..."

Hey, this game, I know how to play, " I'm sorry too." It's only 10:30, ok, so... " Are you free tonight honey?"

Kiyomi squealed, " My house...ok..."

" Sure..."

Then I hung up

Ryuk was laughing and rolling on the floor, "Light, you're something!"

" Guess, duty calls, gotta fuck up that witch to keep her interested..." I looked very sinister, I was not promiscuous or sexual, merely doing the essential, " Oh, yeah, the other reason Misa isn't in Kiyomi's place as my so-called girlfriend."

" Really," he stopped and stared, " Why's that?"

" Because...she is never going to be worthless to me."

I smiled as I saw Misa in front of my eyes.

* * *

Her frustrations were evident as disappointments smeared as some prehistoric make-up upon her gorgeous, porcelain face as she looked with scepticism. What had occurred a day ago was still vivid in her mind so she asked:

" Is it ok?"

" Yeah..." I smiled.

" Won't Kiyomi mind?" Misa uttered.

" No, listen about –"

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause a misunderstanding between you two." Her face saddened; can I kiss it and make it feel better?

" Don't worry, she's just emotional at times." More like a bimbo, " We can stop for a quick lunch at the restaurant and talk about those essays you are doing."

" Yeah, sure, Lawliet is such a great help..." she smiled, I winced, " He's helping me with them."

That oddball bastard, " Can I help you as well then?" I smirked.

" Yeah sure." Misa smiled, " It'll be nice. I think I ask too much from Lawliet at times." Good, you think that. That means you'll ask me stuff!

" Ok, let's go then." I playfully tapped her shoulder and she giggled, God, wasn't she the perfect creation?

Suddenly she stopped and kissed my cheek, I looked astounded, " Thank-you Light." She whispered,  
" For caring about me." She sobbed, " I sometimes feel alone." My dear Misa, " You know it's been hard for me these days." She looked down and wiped her eyes. Then smiled, " I'm glad I can depend on you!"

I embraced her and she gasped, " Of course!" that kiss, " You can always come to me when you're lonely!"

Then I grabbed her hand and I pulled her and she giggled at my instant adrenalin, I was actually ecstatic, " C'mon, I will treat you to a great lunch!"

But...there was something wrong...

Ryuk was acting eerie...

He was singing...

_" Waves__ may stop  
Oceans may die  
But you can always come to me_

_Lives may be slaughtered  
Armageddon can arrive  
But you can always come to me_

_Plagues may thrive  
Murders may be ongoing  
But you can always come to me_

_I will creep in your room  
Make love to you as you sleep  
And you will come for me..._

_Down this spiral love  
We climb stairs;  
Down this spiral love  
We might share  
Coming from the bottom  
I will always come to you."_

What a peculiar song, then he added as I didn't care anymore –

" Didn't know you can make songs out of anger, Jealous..."

* * *

Author's Note: Ok, I had LOADS OF INSPIRATIONS

Bertrand Russell (For the comparisons to those philosophers and cosmic revelation)  
Margaret Atwood  
Orhan Pamuk  
Wikipedia  
Blood PLUS (That anime is GREAT VISUALLY AND SEQUENCE WISE)  
Sydney Sheldon (for that automated sex-doll bit)  
Bloody Alaizabel ( GREAT WRITER IN DEVIANT ART . COM)  
Brilcrist (AN AWESOME PAINTER IN DEVIANT ART . COM)  
Audity  
Efad  
Nishwar (My friends)  
Aliens VS Predator 2 movie ( the part where the actress keeps saying she'll fire her BF, got inspired wrote 'hire' and "lick' part that Light derogatorily depicts Kiyomi of doing)  
BURN UP W (anime – Nanvel Candlestick was a character, though I like her I use "candlestick" badly here almost like the adage "burning the candle at both ends")  
Online Writers/ Fanfiction Writers of DeathNote  
MY RECENT PSYCHOLOGY 101 RESEARCH PAPER ON AUTISM AND CREATIVITY  
OTHER FRIENDS  
OTHER SERIES  
AND FAMILY ESPECIALLY MY MOM AND DAD (they're the coolest!)

**_I THANK ALLAH ALMIGHTY AS I GOT MY FIRST LAPTOP TODAY!!_**

HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS CHAP!!

Talk about Role-reversals, which I love to do at times – Light insane over Misa!LOL

Any questions or comments? Please be free to ask!

P.S. I think this is the longest chapter for now.

* * *


	5. Awakening: TPHMF

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY BEST FRIEND  
AUDITY  
AND TO ANNE FRANK  
(THE ANGEL IN THE BOXED-WORLD WHOSE EXPLOSION OF LIFE MADE US MORE MATURE, AWARE AND HUMAN)**

* * *

**The Glass Self  
**_**V**_ "Awakening: The Psyche Has Multifarious Folders"

* * *

For some reason, I became nostalgic after that time when Light left me all alone in the classroom. He ran after Kiyomi and I felt upset…she got flared for no fucking reason, if this is what Light has to endure then my sympathies are all I can give him. She was also referring to me as a _slut_. I couldn't understand what deviousness she could possess to label me as such. Despite my previous encounters of that emotional abandonment I had done there was no such activity that can describe me as a hardcore slut. It pained me that she would refer to me in this fashion and the worst part of this circumstance was the "weird" definitions she gave poor Lawliet. What right was there to degrade him beyond human stems and treat him as an organism of complete repulsion? Awful and disgustingly potent evil can lie in that woman. This was my opinion at present due to her tempestuous manner but if I am proven incorrect I cannot feel shame for apologizing; it is crude to possess an ego that rivals those mythological beings who reside in Olympus, it is improper for any mortal to have such an egotistical comprehension of themselves. It is ruthlessly disgusting.

Nostalgia…am I alone…in doing this..?

Wrongfully was I accused as a child?

Was it wrong to dwell in those places, where naivety ripened not and cared not for the exotic seed for maturity…? I believe that pondering on that is completely useless for though I complain about myself and they are limitless complaints but I guess if the definition of maturity was followed (by the standards of hormonal teenagers) I guess my self would be lost. My uniqueness, I believe it is my originality, would not have any birth; so, I guess it was a form of virtue that I didn't go_ there._

_There_ – what is _there?_

It is actually a form of blackness that reflects, mates with human vice and creates the absolute sin of loss of self: we lose ourselves in fornications, intoxications, melody medicines and thus we are the criminals of ourselves, so poignantly altered, a devious cosmic surgery: the mad scientist is ourselves and this is the homicide that we perform, as _experimentation_ is too soft a word for the alterations. Especially, if the loss of identity is the matter we encounter.

Why am I responsibly lecturing this notion of self-deterioration? It is the case of knowing some truth of life; Life is not only the haphazard fiction, rendezvous and slithering passions like rain on rock but rather a special form of metabolism. It can catalyze and inhibit the processes of existence and neutralize and inhibit all those catalysts that seem chaotic.

Then you can ask me why?  
Why, did have that one night stand with super-intelligent Light Yagami?  
Because,  
Because,

Because, I wanted to…there is…  
…no, clarity to it – I guess I had never felt a guy with poignant intelligence like that in Light Yagami covet me so. If I were to recall information from _Sex and the City_ than the obvious conclusion is that men prefer those sensuous girls devoid of (as referred to) intelligence labelled _bimbos _(though I hate using this term – it's relations are to blondes, my mother was close to blonde and she did masters in Physics; and though I'm not really a person who possesses her intellect; many of my distant Romanian cousins who are blonde are not unintelligent: basically, the blonde woman is constantly labelled as the _bimbo _woman). Also, in the mainstream world men despite their ages can date despite their ages unlike women (according to _Sex and the City_) yet, in most cases it is not true in its entirety. Men who can be random must sacrifice many things to possess the affections of a younger woman: then, in the bargain it is the man facing complications more so than the younger female.

Why and how you ask? Simple, when there is a huge age difference then maturity, experience and love mostly forgoes and it is replaced with sex, wealth and austerity; after a while even sexuality becomes redundant – why don't you see lesser break-ups?

So, I guess why this prolonged hypothesis of truth is in my mind now is because I was grievously upset as the next mortal – why my relation with Matsuda required so much force that it's gravity became that of Jupiter, I couldn't conceal it any longer? Was it that difficult? Was it that difficult to refuse passion and sex? Am I that immature? Am I so volatile, so savagely addicted to the power of submission like a man to carnage?

Actually, that was the case. I never truly loved Matsuda yet he loved me slightly and as friends we bestowed happiness to each other in conversations and sex. Wasn't that the fruitful tree to any relationship? I couldn't understand it – it, made me so dizzy, dizzy, like, like being on a trampoline and being egged on to – egged on to destroy myself with each bounce; each bounce orchestrated misbalance; until, until, the bounce made me cave. Then there was a mass of flesh bouncing on the trampoline, not a human being – not, not a living animal. Just…flesh…

* * *

" Misa, Misa, Misa…" he desirously scolded me; he always possessed the unkempt gluttonous look as if he was aching, dying, in absolute pressure from the wish – to hurt me. " Why are you cantankerous and coy?"

" I never knew I was cantankerous…" I paused, confused, depreciated, condescended, " What, what…does, it mean?"

" What does…?" the pointed look as if he was asked the rhetorical question; his answer was rhetorical, " You don't mean _cantankerous_…?"

" Yes…" I felt muted, horrendously scarred by that look of utter contempt.

" It means talkative,_ sluts_ are usually talkative…" then he urges on his confession, " Misa, you are not the _slut_ are you…?"

" What do _you_ think**?**" I pleaded in this manner, a plea which was pathetically kind.

" I asked you a question…" then to tone the order, to clip off the condescension, to display the artifice of caring, he added – "First…"

Yet, I felt a sense to rebel, the gravity of condescension leaking out from me, too much blood, I couldn't control it, I could not wish to be a martyr for something I couldn't discern.  
" I asked you a question as well," I put a demanding stare, " It's important that's why I asked…you should – "

" Stop talking and just answer already." He cut me off with this order of pathetic superiority.

" I'm just asking –"

" I don't wanna hear it."

" Listen to me Ryuk –"

" I said I don't wanna hear it Misa, stop it."

He was talking to me if I was a music software, a musical hardware or an instrument gone awry, I don't understand " Ryuk please –"

" Like I said I don't wanna hear it…" He kept on, it was his win for I didn't perceive, couldn't divine, the nature of his blatant superiority – it was so artificial, so unclean, like rotting blood on a dismembered corpse, leaking in gallons…only flesh…

" Ok fine, whatever…" I evaded answering and he was too manipulative, too cowardly, to pester the question once more.

Such a coward I loved. The filthy coward. The sin to the male sex. The one who remained in my soul, wrenching my pathways – The one I felt I still loved but evoked nausea and confusion. Maybe, I didn't really love him – just, wanted to be loved and love, by someone, in that fashion of romance. This mistake in selection evokes nausea.

* * *

This was the withdrawal. I could not divine it. Him: furiously undressing himself, undressing me. Felt like an Armageddon of both soul and body. The scents of the airs, fragrance of rose and geraniums were poignantly hazarded – my senses felt they were out to make me invisible. The candles in their long-stemmed waxes (the body of the woman and man in seductive allure; a figurative reference of them) were seemingly corrupted; their flames wanted to hurt me.

He voraciously tore at my jeans, red top with green spaghetti strings (reminiscence of Santa Claus) and discarded my underwear as the wolf does to the bone of the lamb. He looked triumphant – a wicked smile, a molester's smile almost – he felt he deserved me; that he deserved to own me.

" Stop Ryuk!"

This environment, this man, this whole, entire, scandalous affair seems too wrong! Too wrong! It cannot be real, it should not be!

He smirks, " C'mon babe, I'm experienced, it's ok, I'll just be easy. I'll only hurt you a little honey, it's only natural during the first time…"

" No Ryuk!" I stayed too permanent, my firm tone, " I can't do this, please, let's not do this."

That look of anger, " What do you mean?!" an outrage, an insult to him – he never once thought of all those wounds to me not once, selfish pathetic bastard! " I'm your boyfriend!** I** **have, I can, do this with you!**"

His craziness was sudden and his choice of words was aggressive, furthering my reluctance and suspicion, though no sweetened words could alter the desire, the desire to stop. " I can't Ryuk! This doesn't seem right ok! I don't wanna lose it like this!"

" What are you waiting for, the bliss of matrimony or something?" his enraged, blazed question was a new addition to his corruption.

" If I could I would wait…" that was he truth, " But I can't do it now…" it was the ultimatum.

Then, the storms came across me and it made the impression of a slap upon my face (though it was his words, he couldn't commit any true physical violence):

" **I've been waiting three months for this, hell five! I thought three would be enough to** **spread your legs but you **_**sluts**_** don't easily give men what** **they deserve!**"

I started crying, I realized now, all those _affections_ and _kindnesses_, _compliments_ and _supports_, WERE A FUCKING LIE " **How, how dare you…?**" I was now the tempest, " **You** **pretended to love me! Ryuk you bastard**!"

" That's what all women deserve! Especially big sluts like you!" He attempted to seize me in his arms, " **Now pay me for the all the goodness I brought into your life!**"

" **You think you've been good to me Ryuk!**" I screamed as I reached for my underwear,  
" **You're the biggest loser I've ever met in my life! God what a real whore you are! You have to trick women to make them like you and get them to go to bed with you! God, guys will scream that you've got no balls – hell, I mean you don't even have a real dick! I can't believe that I once thought you were a real man! You are nothing! You make a man look as he was useless shit! You piece of crap ASSHOLE! FUCK YOU! GO TO HELL!**"

" You ugly slut!" he attempted to slap me but I was quicker.

I pushed him right off the bed and his back was injured; as he howled and cursed I half-dressed myself and ran out of the shabby motel room.

I cried in fear, anger and happiness…

…because, the illusion was finally gone.

* * *

" I wonder if Ryuk would ever ask me out again." I asked this suddenly out on a whimsical note but surprisingly, he was…I mean he looked shocked.

" Ryuk…?" he looked questionably at me.

" He was my abusive, teenage boyfriend." I confessed as I realized that I didn't mention the name prior to this conversation, " The one I pushed over…the one who wanted to screw me…" I use the word harshly, though I had spoken so like a whisper I should have just said the person who wanted to have sex with me…but that would make the whole situation _normal_…

Then he glanced at me, his bewilderment decreased but seemingly acquired a new tempo, " Do you wish…do you wanna…I mean, how can you…I mean, do you still love him?" Light has never possessed such elisions before. Possibly, I had surprised him.

" We get emotionally attached to so many people." I confess, " That we sometimes think just because their names come out like Freudian slips that we love them unconsciously."

" Do you believe that?" he asked yet I sense _Do you believe that concerning him? _In the air – he may not want to pressure me to ponder on it too much.

" I don't believe the Freudian slips are applicable to all cases so I think the same way for that thing as well…" this is the truth, " That is why we humans suffer from the disease we call confusion."

He looks at me with a approving tone, " Do you believe you still love him?"

" No Light…but, I began to doubt the _no_ at times too." I don't want to cry but…I feel like crying, though **Thank God Almighty,** I feel my body can restrain it, " I guess I don't know myself too well nor do I know my emotions." I stare at him, this genius unbound, feeling with a certainty that he possessed all the answers in the world that I couldn't answer, " Why do you think, this bothers me…so, Light, why am I so bothered, simultaneously…by these factors that have seemingly absolutely control over me…? Why is it this hard to discern emotions…?" I really feel a pressure, " I know that this love for Ryuk isn't love but…I just can't forget him. What does that mean…?"

" That you are human." He smiles and suddenly he feels closer to my form, " You are experiencing the depression of not being able to understand why things happen to you – so, you get more alarmed of yourself, in the sense, even when your psyche wishes to expel these emotions you do not allow them to be excreted as though you are uncertain if the pain is something you wanted to forgo…sometimes, we, have these notions…but eventually times do heal those wounds. The main factor is not really the pain but the process of coping – are you simply going to be destructive of yourself by pushing yourself with drugs and alcohol or are you going to train your emotions and find solutions to your problems? That's the truth about this cycle called life."

I wished to embrace Light for his support but then I realized that someone else was there, a voice saying, _"Don't trust him!"_

I turn my gaze and look to the door of the empty cafeteria and see a fatigued Lawliet entering and seeing us came eagerly upon us, " Misa-Misa, you are here, I've been searching for you relentlessly." Though I believe the word _relentlessly_ was an added effect as _fucking_ to the word _hard_ when we students describe exams that were annoying rather than hard. Here it seems the case was the same.

" Oh, I'm sorry, actually I was studying for the finals of Psychology 101 and Light here was helping me, uh, " I looked at his raccoon eyes, " Is there anything you wanted to ask me?"

He frowned, " No, I just thought you wanted to hang out, but, I didn't know you were busy Misa-chan sorry…" he looked disappointed.

My corners gave Light a glance: for a while he looked displeased.

This habitual discordance in Light when Lawliet ventured on us made me so suspicious. Was he jealous of Lawliet and me, I mean to our interactions? That was funny…wasn't it? I mean Lawliet wasn't someone I loved romantically. I mean how could I?

But, then I realized something: this was also something I thought of concerning Light Yagami himself. Was he aware of this mass of uncertainty in me? I mean he was intellectually superior than many but was he…telepathic? Could he be? Did I miss it? If I did, it was quite a mistake to have done so, intentionally…?

_._

But, then I returned to the _How could I?_ factor. It was Lawliet's looks, behaviourisms and such that alienated him from others thus also being the covetable man to the whimsical fruit of love. But so was Ryuk a person I thought I couldn't love or date or kiss or allow all those things that occurred. Truth is that I didn't love Ryuk but I became so, I'm not sure of the word, oh yes, **obsessed** with him despite my prior avoidances of him as a classifiable dating material. It was certainly certain now that we humans truly rape the word _ideal_. It differentiates itself as bacteria because there are some people who we think we can't love but we finally love but reversely there are some people that we think we can't love and conclusively we never love. I now understand why some people fear love. It is so like HIV at times; unpredictable, amorphous and considered untreatable. But, that's the point – it's not really HIV but kinda how human error is so natural. That's why branches of philosophy and psychology exist. Because: human error is so natural.

But, that's the case. As it is natural in some cases it transforms, converts, to being un-natural. That is why we don't accept sadists, rapists and murderers. But, why am I straying? Why am I comparing my feelings of Ryuk and my feelings for Lawliet, and also my feelings for Light? Despite my mistakes in perception and of the predestined interconnections I feel out of sorts in this phenomenon.

Then, the answer to these bizarre extending auras catches me (about time).

I am afraid.

I am afraid and uncertain now.

Like many people before me who feel and/or have been emotionally raped (and/or physically) – we grow that uncertainty. It is the defensive Venus-flytrap: eating those insects that we call _everyday experiences._ It just gets to us, when we experience things we feel unaware how can we deserve – both atheists and religious people feel too similar about this: Because it is natural for a human to be human despite variance of outlook.

Funny, there was a time I was naively bothered and questioned why people could not alienate themselves from their pain whilst hurt and accept finer things readily available. Now as I am pained (emotionally raped) I know the answer: even if we are ready our own minds act so like second bodies that it is hard to extract ourselves away completely for a time.

But, is Lawliet so…so, un-covetable, maybe, maybe I'm just saying this to be _in_ with the university masses in some way? Maybe, I'm just doing this to protect myself?

But…why do I feel…unhappy about Lawliet being unhappy?

" Uh Misa…?" Light suddenly comes into me, as a face painted in the now,  
" Where have you dozed off to…?" he chuckles but then smiles, " You alright Blondie?"

I am amazed by his casualness and humour, because, because I don't see him doing this with Kiyomi, nor, actually, with anyone else, " Yeah, it's just I think we should hang out with Lawliet as well."

Though I guessed he wanted to say _What for?_ He asked, " Did he wish to hang out with us? I mean _you_, yes, but me as well?" then genuinely, " We aren't really the best of friends you know Misa-chan." I use the word _genuinely_ because I felt that Light really had the urge to say _What for?_ Not that he lies shamelessly to others. Not to me anyway. (I had doubts at times of Light's picturesque-perfect status and credibility because as I like using it, it seemed natural for him to have bad flaws – most geniuses have that quality, or so I deduce).

" Why not?" I smile, " You guys are perfect for each other."

" He almost spits out his tea, " You mean…as _that_…?"

I burst out with laughter, " No silly," I tease him, " I mean as **friends**."

" Hmm," he ponders, then confesses, " You know Misa, he's kinda weird and when I first gave the entrance exam with him I was slightly confused about what to make off him."

" What do you mean…?" I looked rather intensely – I was really curious after all.

" I mean our invigilator told him to sit properly," Light giggles, " He thought Lawliet was being way too casual for a University exam, I mean you noticed the way he sits…"

I looked at Light, there was no sign of true demeaning effects in his words, I smiled, " Yeah, rather oddly with his knees all hunched, crouched, as he is a defensive lion."

" Well, he's a got a mane to prove it." Light chuckled slightly and saw my blankness of face; at first I could not perceive it then I laughed.

" Oh, you meanie!" I giggled, Light was obviously referencing to his crow's-nest hair, " I think his hair suits his demeanour though," I smile as I compose myself, " His attire and everything should have a label, like_ Lawliet_ or _Griffith_, heck, his names are quite exquisite."

I realized Light was suppressing the mountain that was his frown, " Exquisite – wow, that's a heavy word." Or maybe not so much, " You think quite highly of him don't you?" on a softer film.

" Yes." I decided to tell him truthfully my affections for Lawliet as my friend,  
" He's sweet, kind and considerate and so powerfully brilliant; I mean so are you – but, I've never met someone as simple and straightforward as him in the sense that though we all got something to hide, him, he hides whatever he hides but displays all those little, seemingly unshaped things so well." Then I look at Light, " You do too I believe but I knew him more than I knew you." Then I smiled somewhat sadly, " Even though we've met first."

I could sense a form of displeasure; it was a gargantuan ocean in Light Yagami. As if he were being swallowed by the great Giant Squid itself (Pirates Of The Caribbean anyone?) yet this ability to suppress these tidal swings was a strength to admire. Yet, he placidly commented, with eyes closed (possibly reflecting), " I wouldn't know much about Lawliet's simplicity as you define it." Then he woke up from the tidal haze, " But, I'm glad you think I'm trustworthy enough."

I smile at him, though the voice harshly denounces the _him_ character once more,  
_" What a Bastard! Ryuk get him out of my sight before I kill him_!"

It was the name Ryuk that stunned me as a dinosaur-sized wasp, Who's Ryuk? Where? Where? No…he can't be HERE! That asshole!

" Misa." Light saw my urgency; as I turned around my head, " Are you alright?"

" Light…" I panted, nervous, " Did you hear something right now like Ryuk or something…?"

It was that awkward stare, " Misa…" he held my hand, " Are you alright…?"

" Light…I…." I was scared, " I thought I heard something…I…" I felt like sobbing. This vulnerability was a new, annoying feature. Why…Why was I so…so…infused? Those words could have been my imagination…yet…

" Misa…" he smiled and rubbed my hand, caressed it with loving delicacy, " You sure get over-exhausted at times…"

" Is something wrong with Misa-Misa?" Lawliet approached and I saw his worry.

" She must be just tired." Light explained.

" How about she has some donuts." I see his plate, a pyramid of those circular objects, " In fact Light-kun, let's all have some together," he grinned, " Misa-Misa there's nothing food doesn't heal…" then after a pause, " It's true both in the biological and psychological sense."

" Won't I get fat if I eat those?" I jokingly asked him and saw Light also getting amused.

" If we command our brains to eat the sugar and not our stomachs then you, me, Light-kun no one else will become fatty." Lawliet smirked.

" So what you mean is that if we utilize our brain power than there will be a balance in our body thus we can avoid becoming overweight." This elaboration is from Light.

" Precisely!" Lawliet squealed excitedly, " Now Misa-Angel eat up ok nor else you're gonna lose brain power!"

" Hey!" I punch Raccoon-eyes' shoulder playfully, " I'm not dumb you know!"

We all laughed and ate the doughnuts (we stayed longer and ordered more) but the strange phenomenon of the voice was still there.

It was as great as the blood within me.

* * *

I had seen her flabbergasted before yet –

" Misa, why does he hang out with you?"

" Pardon?" I felt I was being outcast-ed again, _Why me?_ Was the thought.

" I mean – he's never hung around with anyone before so profusely," she tilts her head, " It's somewhat strange, Lawliet usually never hung about with anyone you know." Kayako looked slightly pallid, " I guess he likes you a lot." She smiled with a dull colour.

Kayako, are you suggesting that…?

" I guess everyone really avoids him." That was the more factual reasoning, " I mean everybody here thinks he's a freak." I say it completely, " How can you manage to keep friendships if you are always pondering 'Does this person think I'm a freak?'"

" Yeah…I guess…" that dull fibre still echoed on her entirety.

" Uh…listen…" the measures must be taken, " I realized I haven't introduced you to Lawliet yet, so, let's go and speak to him."

This made her parade blossom, " Sure! Oh Misa! This is a dream realized!"

" Ok, " I hadn't figured out where Lawliet had wandered off after the donut-raid so I decided that the eighth floor computer lab was the best choice to proceed to.

Fortunately, my assumptions were positive. There was Lawliet on one of the PCs looking intently upon information, he openly commented:

" Very…interesting…."

" Uh, Lawliet," I hope this hour bode well, " Are you busy?"

Lawliet seemed occupied then realized our presence, " No, Oh, Misa-Misa-chan with-" he looked intensely at Kayako who blushed as lividly as exploding blood-filled arteries (macabre at slaughter-house red). He looked nonchalantly,  
" Pookie-Pookie girl."

Uh, what? " Pookie-Pookie…?" Did he just give…did he just give a nickname to Kayako…? Uh, I think she's gonna…

Yup, she looks like Eden has come and she's meeting God (or so I presume). The exploding blood has exploded to nuclear proportions! "Pookie-Pookie…Pookie-Pookie…Pookie-Pookie…Pookie-Pookie…" she repeated this singular symphony.

Lawliet cocked his head then without warning, " Pookie-Pookie girl is on drugs!" he shoves Kayako who falls to the ground due to the unexpected push and I am bewildered beyond bewilderment, " Look at how she speaks monotonously…she needs rest."

" You got that right Raccoony …" I sighed as I picked up love-struck Kayako – the shove equivalent to Cupid's arrow, " Actually, she's a fan of yours…" looking at Kayako almost faint with happiness made my revision, " Actually, she's a HUGE FAN."

" A ventilating equipment…?" Lawliet was ambiguously sterilized; I couldn't blame him, Kayako was totally out-of-sorts: it would be wise to refer to her as the mechanical device than a popularity boost.

" Mr. Griffith! It's an honour…an honour…! To meet you!" Have I mentioned she was exploding?

" Likewise." Lawliet grinned, charmingly (has he ever given me that smile?), and extended his hand.

Firstly, Kayako shook repeatedly, her hand faltered, causing Lawliet to believe she had no interest in the formality yet as he was about to withdraw his hand, Kayako's sped to grab his –tightly, very tightly, I must say, " I'm so elated to meet you! You're intelligence is awe-inspiring!"

Lawliet looks at his hand, several seconds – wait, make that a minute, pass and Kayako is still shaking hands – Lawliet blinks – he's unfamiliar with this custom. Really Raccoony, is it so hard to tell? " Uh," Lawliet finally unclasps his hand, then actually blushes (for the hand or the compliment?), " I thank you for thinking highly of me…" well, that's the case, " Though Light-kun is much better overall. Wouldn't you say?"

This was for me – now, why would I say Light was better than Lawliet? I hadn't really statistically compared them you know...only, feelings pertaining to them…

" Mr. Yagami is alright but he's too common as the regular prodigies goes…" wouldn't wonder whose team Kayako likes playing ball on, " You have a sense of uniqueness that I admire."

He blushes and then looks at me, " Do you really think so?"

" Yeah totally." Kayako chirps.

" Kayako isn't wrong." I smile, " If you had possessed no originality then I may not have been your friend." I giggle, I am joking, " You would be just a weird guy."

Lawliet chuckles, " Then I'm honoured to be unique in front of you." Then almost swiftly, " It is something I desire."

" Wow, really!" Kayako was in Eden alright, playing with the furry-bushbabies,  
" You must know how popular you are!"

Ok, I had a funny feeling – why is Lawliet looking at me whilst responding to Kayako…is he nervous…OH MY GOD ALMIGHTY CAN HE LIKE HER TOO! This is UNEXPECTED!

" Uh, Lawliet, what does Pookie-Pookie girl mean?" Well, I am curious.

" It means one of those girls that resemble a lollipop or a pocky…" Lawliet grins exponentially, " Those sweet girls that angels make friends with."

I…I don't know…what he means…Angels…he must really like…

" Misa-Angel! Did Pookie-Pookie girl faint?!" I listen to Lawliet's signal and see Kayako looking unconscious on the ground.

" Ah! Kayako!" Is this how the body gets an external orgasm? Like outer-course (_40 –Year Old Virgin_ anyone?) 'Cause I thought Kayako was passed out aftermath of sexual intercourse perfectly smothered and smoothened.

" He…thinks…I'm a pocky…a pocky…" Kayako mutters as I hasten to pick her up once more then in frustration I slap her cheek once, HARD.

" Ah! Oww! Misa-chan!" she looks at me, the perpetrator and then realizes and blushes, " I'm sorry Mr. Griffith but your compliment…" deeper blood reaches those cheeks, " Was beautiful…"

Lawliet scratches his head but smiles, he's confused, " Please call me Lawliet and you're welcome…I'm honoured to have meet someone who thinks I'm okay, uh, maybe we can be friends."

" Oh! That'll be great!" Kayako almost screams and Lawliet, scratches his head some more…

I guess he's oblivious: it isn't everyday that he's complimented and accepted by the _normal_ student body. _Norma_l is such an **abnormal** word. Why is it that Lawliet isn't normal enough and Light is and is the poster-boy of normal?

Sometimes, I think that Light is not so perfect as he seems. He is human which makes him imperfect by design. Diamonds are not flawless either. Mortality means flawed – it's the basic design.

" Lawliet, are you doing something important?" I notice some textbooks and I believe we had intruded only the sweet temper of Lawliet Griffith proved us otherwise.

" No, not really." Lawliet grinned, " But you'll have to excuse me now…I'm actually facing a deadline for my thesis paper."

" Is that the paper that you and Light, and Kiyomi are working on?" I asked a bit excited, " The one you came to our Psych 101 class for?"

" No, not really…" he says, a bit palely and softly, " It is something else…"

" What's Ryuzaki…?" Kayako's voice fell upon us both and Lawliet casually looked at her.

" Please do not read that," he blushes, " It's a message from a friend, a close pen friend."

" Oh!" Kayako realizes her intrusion, " I'm so sorry!" she bowed apologetically,  
" Please, forgive my crudeness…"

" Not at all." Lawliet smiles, " Curiosity is healthy especially for Pookie-Pookie girl who is still young."

I did not think Kayako perceived it as a compliment, " Young…?" she repeated dully as though it were a suspicious crime.

Lawliet may have perceived this, " You surely do not think so – but, you are a young and intelligent girl and curiosity is for all ages."

"Oh," Kayako smiles, still feeling awkward, " Thank-you then."

" I didn't know that you had pen friends." I was interested, " Ryuzaki is a nice alias, if it is an alias that is – people don't like using their real names on the net though nowadays some netizens are eager in using their real names. They might not believe in the concept of an alter ego."

He smiled with a wide expression, " I'm afraid that it could be a pseudonym; Ryuzaki is someone I like because he seems devoted and hard-working in the things he pursues but those are also aspects of him I dislike."

" Really, why's that?" I ask with Kayako listening attentively – collecting invisible notes.

" Because he forgets about his feelings and becomes too logical…" there's a sorrowful smile, " He begins to feel there's no one he can trust and befriend other than himself."

* * *

" If you ask me – Lawliet shouldn't have friends who seem confused like that." Kayako commented later as we were going home, " I mean they are not selfless enough to be proper friends…" Kayako explains, " I mean they are too logical and are thus better suited to finalize opinions related to themselves."

" But, do you really think so…?" I ask not feeling it to be properly defined, " I mean it could just be confusion and a hard time accepting that emotions may rule you at times," I centralize, " People at times feel the need for control and as emotions are gathered for impulses it seems likely a person may feel that way…or think that way at times."

" Yeah that's a good reason for not befriending them too much." Kayako explains her decision passionately, " Lawliet should befriend people who are confident and fun like you…" Kayako smiles, " And in-depth and supporting as me…"

I giggle then seriously confess, " Then we shouldn't befriend Lawliet at all…"

" Why…Why – how could you – I mean…why…is that?" She stammered as I performed a major blasphemy.

" Because Lawliet is a reclusive person most of the times." I label the case, " I mean to many he may not seem like the supportive, energetic, in-depth or even the social kind but –" the truth unfolded as the phoenix, " He is mostly quite the contrary to those beliefs isn't it?"

" I guess." She understands my point.

" So, I guess we can't always believe what I call 'naked-eye' scenarios." I step lightly now, hoping to prolong the walk with the conversation, then I sense the softness in me, " I believe Ryuzaki is more than a person of negative aspects." I smile reassuringly, " It'll be good to be friends with Lawliet as he is so understanding and supportive."

" Do you think Ryuzaki is actually someone Lawliet loves romantically?"

This made my movements crash, " Kayako what are you –"

" He looked so casually but I felt he was trying to hide something." Kayako pointed in a defensive/melancholic tone, " Sometimes boys do love other boys even if they are not homosexual."

" Uh, I still don't think Lawliet loves Ryuzaki in that fashion." I chuckle slightly, " I find it amusing that you would think that up."

" Oh." Kayako saddens, " Sorry for the childish theory."

" Wow, Kayako, listen." I hold her shoulders, " I know you are insecure if Lawliet will like you or not but seriously don't feel the need to think so negatively because…" I smile wider, " You have a nickname which means Lawliet does like you and personally," I wink at her, " He will like you more – I know it – c'mon, how many people does he actually ask to be his friend…?"

" Yeah you're right!" She's ecstatic, " We should celebrate! Is it ok if I come over to your house! I'll buy dinner!"

" You don't need to buy it, we can make it together." I approve of the idea,  
" There's nothing un-okay about it." I say plainly, " There's no one to object but me."

Kayako looks softly but I am too overwhelmed by these sentences. I remember that a time, not too long yet long as a dream, there was that moment…a busy father and a nagging mother…telling me that I should tell them beforehand if friends come along…"So, I can make more food!" Mom would yell, " Yeah, so I can help her, you don't want your friends to leave famished do you?" Dad would hug Mom and both of them would smile…Their smile eternal…I needed to freeze it…

" Let's go okay…" I say hastily, " Don't worry about ingredients, I've got plenty, though it does depend on what we eat…What do you wanna have Kayako?"

" It doesn't matter now…Misa-chan, we can properly decide while we go to your house – it'll be fun." She ends it with a smile, sincerity all present. The idea genuine.

I guess she sees it

She doesn't comment on it though

I cry because it's natural to cry for something that feels like a dream. Or, is it longer than a dream?

Tears for that dream which is not-so-a-dream…

* * *

It was the same dream occurring; horribly reminding of the gulf within called loneliness…

Flashes of grey, flashes of a cylindrical object…wait it could be a grey cloud…wait, where's this water? This water…No!

The water comes and corrupts the world and I'm a hostage to this apocalypse. But, I don't want to be…I…I have to fight…no, this can't be the end! I must swim out! Mother! Father! Are you here?! No, what's happening?!

Then I swim into our house where it is also raining; also submerged….

" Mother! Father!" I scream

" Misa, Misa…run…" I hear my mother calling softly and I see her, the man has her…within his mouth, tearing into her throat – some rabid wolf.

" No please don't…" I whisper

He snaps her neck into two then runs away

"**MOTHER!! MOM!!**" I swim, I swim but her corpse…floats away…no longer a body…just death…

" Misa!" I hear the cry of my father

I run to the room, no, then I swim, then run, then swim – oh, no, no, where, dad, I step on something, it's blood –

I see the man tearing out my father's organs; tearing and eating them.

" **FATHER!! DAD!!**"

NO!  
NO!  
NO!  
NO!

" **Bastard!**" I run, swim towards him then I'm in a courthouse –

" Not guilty Miss Misa Amane ." The judge is a grim reaper, a dementor from that Potter novel, "Face it they deserved to die."

"NO!" I yell and the courthouse starts to break then I take out the Scythe and kill everyone then –

" **IT'S YOUR TURN!! BASTARD!!**" I keep on hitting him, the murderer, until he's nothing but blood but then I keep hitting the blood "**DISAPPEAR!! DISAPPEAR!!**"

Then I start cutting myself…

* * *

Cold Sweat materialized inside of me; outside of me was a river of sweat. This monotonous, indifferent reoccurring dream had happened many a times before. It was horrendous; it was merciless; it was mirthless – it had in a strange sense occurred to me.

" Why me…?" I started crying, I was so helpless, so weak, so rotten but…but…I had no one – I was by myself!

" **WHY?!  
WHY?!  
WHY?!  
WHY?!  
GOD!**"

It was a raw fifteen minutes that my heart, organs and mind – in short every inch of me – was devoted to be submerged, to be there in tears. I was tears incarnate.

I was alone

I was alone

I was alone

I was alone

These, things, these unhappy things, they had happened to me – I don't want to live, God, please, God, please – just kill me, I'm so alone, so empty, like a bottle in the sun, glittering as a hollow body – lying motionless, naked sadness for all to see.

I kept crying

It was easiest to bear things when I cried. It was natural that I would. It was so saddening, a year ago when I cried Mother would be there to comfort me, Father would be there to hold me: both of them would listen to me. I now realized the gravity of the word:

ORPHAN

It means you had to be an individual: You had to be a _solitary_ individual; you had to be an _extra_ individual. Without doing it you had no option, no other, no exit: it was like being somebody else and also yourself…

…And, it was a very hard thing to do.

The Next day I did not attend university.

I was so engulfed, so very infused with the dream, that any sort of concentration would be facing an inconvenience…because, I would be thinking about them – those two people I loved, my parents, in every hour, every minute and – EVERY SECOND: EVERY NANOSECOND.

It was hard.

It was lonesome.

It was easier to do other things

It was easier to continue on with my life

It was easier to pretend they were still there…

Not that I didn't accept it.

What was the use to deem it unacceptable?

A part of me surprised me, myself: my adaptability or the new sense of adaptability, I was able to withstand these horrible alterations.

I didn't possess many expectations after the event. I knew that having immediate expectations would be pointless for two things:  
a: MY feelings wouldn't allow it  
b: My financial situation wouldn't allow it **either**

After their deaths I was in a deep financial crisis. I was working part-time as a waitress but it was never enough _now_. I had to begin thinking how to make extra money, or else I could lose my house. My Mom and Dad had left everything to me but there was no proper will – they had never pondered that I would need it so soon. I was only a girl entering her twenties.

I was so frustrated. So upset, I wanted to kill that robber.

Why?

WHY?  
**  
WHY DID HE NEED TO KILL MY PARENTS?!  
**

**HE COULD**** HAVE JUST TAKEN WHAT HE WANTED!!**

**HE COULD HAVE JUST PUSH THEM OFF IF NEED BE!!**

**NO! HE WAS A COWARD! HE KILLED THEM INSTEAD!!**

Every time I saw him in court I could see him smiling; as if he knew, he knew there wasn't enough evidence to convict him.

He had so swiftly murdered them with a knife and then he disposed of the knife carefully. I was seriously having trouble financing the whole court-sessions. Those corrupt judges feeling that the case wasn't important enough either, they thought I was just stupid enough not to accept the acceptable.

" _They're dead Girl…they're people out there facing worse. Those cases are more important compared to this one. At least you know that this is how they died isn't that enough? You think convicting this guy will fix him – hell, is there any reason why you are doing this? Go home; you just need to understand that this is the way the ball bounces. Life is a game of right and __wrong__ – look, at the bright side at least you'd got it right in a way. So many people are suffering more than you stupid bitch, be happy and move on_."

Their trained, stoic, apathetic, avaricious eyes were telling that to me. I had a feeling that I wasn't wrong. Those rich bastards still had their families, had money, didn't really need to think about where their next meal was going to come from, so have they ever, considered my pain? So, I really didn't care about others pains and I knew I was being selfish, but with reason – my pain was pain as well.

I had never really watched the news. Never knew much about politics, justice or judicial systems but now, I had enough, I realized the bigger scums of the world where the politicians (**hey, see the ****STUPID AMERICAN PRESIDENT**), the judges and the law-enforcers.

Though, I know I wasn't completely right as there are some politicians who really were good and so forth, but, I was angered as Holden Caulfield from _Catcher In_ _The Rye_ – I saw the phoniness of most of the people present during the sessions.

There were however some genuine judges and law-enforcers that were wishing to aid me and wanting to convict the bastard. But, those fucked up lawyers were eating out of their asses: they only cared about how their wallet shone with their credit cards and paper. I was so confused; I wanted someone to shoot the guy.

My wish came true in a way.

The robber committed suicide by beheading himself with a sharp butcher's knife. As by then many people theorized that Kira could kill people by not only making them have heart attacks, I was also confident that it was Kira that killed the man.

At first I was ecstatic.

The man deserved what he got. He died and he had fallen victim to his weapon: the knife. Someone needed to show him his place and it was Kira who had seemingly done the impossible. I was overjoyed…but…it faded…

I started to question why Kira had done this. In fact my thinking of Kira, which had only remained in a meagre sphere of bathroom conversations and idle bickering, became actual cogitation. Why did Kira so punish the ones who need be punished?

I just couldn't find it in my heart to accept it…to accept that he actually did it for the people…

Did he understand my pain?

Did he really understand what the man did?

I first did think that Kira overall was doing somewhat good…but…how can you be certain he was always doing the best for everyone…?

Something triggered in me. My parents didn't completely support Kira either and when I asked them about it:

" Misa, this Kira person is trying to create a revolution that is seemingly impossible and not entirely good for the people – also, those same people that are asking Kira or supporting Kira may even be killed by Kira in the future…which is always so elusive…"

I realized I agreed with them and I too thought that way. Kira may be creating criminals by getting rid of criminals and he may actually not always know what is actually right or wrong:

IN THE END KIRA WAS A HUMAN BEING

He could himself change. Who knows what he wanted to be and what he wished to achieve? World Piece – can everyone sustain global piece by actually killing off criminals?

Though crime rates had gone done they hadn't done so in the fear of God or any true tangible reasons (ethics and principles respectively). They had gone down in the fear of a man, whose status as prophet was becoming more questionable day by day…

Kira was trying to become Law, hell, I felt Kira was trying to become a god

And this god-complex in a man is worse than any other crime I've seen because then he will actually feel that he can do any form of crime that is humanely (or inhumanely) capable because to himself he was a god.

That's when I made the ultimatum: I won't support Kira

I didn't want to live in a world where Kira was hailed as a god

* * *

I went along doing nothing the whole day except eating at those scheduled times.

I was cooking an early supper.

It was only five-thirty and the sun was setting

Those escaping colours of crimson, pink and cerulean mixing with gold and silver-white felt as though the sky was bathing in some kind of another being; it felt as though their bond, their friendship would soon stretch to years and years of hazy colours; those pinks ripened, those yellows sweetened, those silver-white melded and the crimson grew bolder and bolder as a child who secretly applied her mother's make-up yet gradually became an intoxicating woman, able to wear her own.

The heat was ample yet was not humid, not coarse, summer-soft as though published with a film of feathers. It wrote to me _The Year Is Passing and you may discover things undiscovered; be passionate to explore those aspects_, it felt so genuinely romantic, so real…that my sensitivity pressed on me…

…I made tears

This house with these familiar heats of summer, the environments and the day spoke to me of a different time: a time where house was still a house.

Now, this house, this house which my parents have given me is _my parents_ in itself. I sat on the table – looking at the three spare chairs. I sat at the opposite end from the head, where my Dad usually sat and then next to him my Mom sat, or even vice versa.

My crying increased and fell on my noodles

I heard them, saw them , " _Misa, what excellent noodles you've made_…"

Mom would then say, " _Your father is right, you're the quite the cook_…"

I say it out loud, " Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. I know you guys like noodles, I'm so glad you like it…"

Then together, " _We_ _will always love you our Little Misa_."

" Thank-you I know Mom and Dad that you love me. I will always love you too. I will always love you forever. You two are the people I will always love the most."

Then they were fading.

They faded with the heat and the comatose sun

And I cried harder

Until I could not cry anymore

* * *

I could not recall what happened…

I felt I was in darkness

The melancholic yet beautiful sunset was almost at its end

My eyelids felt heavy yet I slowly watched

With half-eyes opened I watched

I then realized that I had become unconscious…I had fainted and that I had fallen off the chair with my fork scattered a few feet away…

I slowly looked and saw the noodles were still intact. I felt happy that my noodles were safe.

Tears slid out but I managed to wipe them slowly. My coherency had not fully returned though. I was traumatized.

I stayed on the ground for some minutes hearing the world inside and outside

There was nothing inside except the ticking of clocks – those pendulums that were so ironical; they were mortals writing immortal time, kinda like poets.

Outside though, there were multitudes; crickets croaking, birds fleeting, people passing and water trickling, buses howling, cars honking, cycles ringing, doors – opening and closing, etcetera.

My head ached so I decided to drown myself in these orchestras. I had eaten my own hunger with that unpleasant hallucination: it was bitter and apocalyptic.

The sky would soon see stars and the moon: the different hemisphere of space.

Then…I heard…something…

I felt at first it were the creaking of doors meddling with the ticking of the clocks…but then as my coherency gradually increased a frightening realization happened; it felt as a soothing whisper.

These whispers were first like incomprehensible wind-talks but soon burned into me a comprehensible language: " Misa, Misa, please be alright…please be alright…I love you my dear…I love you my dear…my beautiful human…Darling, I'll take care of you…I won't let Light or anyone hurt you…I swear…I love you…entirely…Misa, please wake up…"

I started trembling

These…these words….

These words were coming…right…

…right…right…oh no…God…Right…on…top…above me…

I swallowed hard, my tongue chilled as an ice-cube as I looked above…

There…oh God…was a creature…a thing…it was small…Oh God…what is it?!...It has a face like a skull…it's skin is partially visible or it…Oh God…is it rotted flesh that has become green?

NO! GOD WHAT IS IT?!

" AHHHH!!" I screamed and jolted up but slipped and fell hard on the floor yet pushed myself with slippery, cold sweat drenched feet, to the far end of the room with my back, on the reverse, " WHAT ARE YOU?!"

" What…?" The creature looked startled and its eyes grew wide and I screamed some more at this sight. Then, " Misa-Darling…" it called my name, shocked,  
" Can…can…you see me…?"

" AHHHH!!AHHHHH!!" I was screaming as it approached me and I was screaming; too scared to get up.

It clasped my mouth, " Hush…sweetheart…please, listen…" I looked scared, " I'm a Shinigami, my name is Jealous…and I…I LOVE YOU MISA…" then it embraced me…

I was shaking, " No…please…" I begged, " Let go…"

" Misa…" This creature, This Shinigami, looked soothingly upon me and wiped my fearful tears, caressed my face, " I rather die than hurt you my love…I swore to always protect you…"

" What…what are you –"

It hushed me with its bone-like finger, " Please, believe me."

His sincerity (he looked like a male) calmed me but then I questioned, " Wait…" I got up instantly, " What do you mean you love me and How I can see you…?"

He smiled so euphorically, " Misa, I wanted you to see me, but then I may had to curse you with the touch of the DeathNote so I refrained from seeing you…but, you may possess the power some seers have…" he smiled more excitedly, " The ability to connect with the Shinigami realm thus enabling you to see Shinigamis; that means you are very special like I knew you would be Misa- Darling…"

" What power…?" I look at him, flabbergasted.

" Some people, either through constant prayer, meditation or even constant focus on philosophical questions and prominent emotions become strangely symbiotic with the Shinigami Realm – where Shinigamis come from – They may wish to seek something of great existential value thus are able to see us. YOU ARE BLESSED MISA-DARLING BY GOD ALMIGHTY, IT FEELS PREDESTINED BUT YOUR FAITH IS NOW SO INTERTWINED WITH OTHER PROMINENT PEOPLE INCLUDING L's"

" What…?" I was now hit by the meteorite, " You mean L as in _The L_ who is chasing after Kira, what does he –"

I couldn't finish. I heard the doorbell ringing and a familiar voice calling:

" Misa, Misa are you home?"

* * *

Author's Note: Well, I hope you guys liked it

**MY MAJOR INSPIRATION WAS MY BEST FRIEND**

Audity

This friend of mine lost her father last year yet her amount of adaptability is imitated, infused into Misa's character which I could not IMITATE or POSSESS IN A MILLION YEARS.

Before the tragic day her father passed away I talked to him for the first time on the phone. I had never seen him and now I never will.

He stated that he would like to meet me as I am his daughter's best friend. I was pleased and told him that I would like to come over on a weekend as usually he's out of the house at work.

The next morning as I was sleeping in late, around 11am, Audity called me and woke me from my slumber. I was groggy yet asked her peacefully and happily 'What's up?" The answer she gave was not something I could ever conjure up in a million years.

She was so calm, possessed such control and firmness that I thought was impossible pertaining to the situation. She kindly asked me if I would go to our teacher's house tomorrow and if I would kindly bring her back her work as she might not be able to attend as her father had passed away and she must go to her village home for the burial.

I had the cellphone clasped on my hand. I repeated 'What?' and I was now wide awake. I asked Audity what happened and she in that same tone of voice told me how her Father is now **WITH ALLAH ALMIGHTY** as he was seized by a sudden heart attack.

Prior to this I had only thought of Audity as a **GREAT AND OPEN INDIVIDUAL but afterwards MY RESPECT FOR HER BECAME IMMORTAL. She is a BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, SENSIBLE, ADAPTABLE HUMAN BEING WHO I AM PROUD TO CALL MY BEST FRIEND. **

That's Why I have Dedicated this chapter to her.

And The Reason I dedicated this chapter to Anne Frank is because I miss her now that I know her. I saw her biographical movie in the History Channel and I will never forgive **THAT BASTARD HITLER** for destroying her, her family and the expectations of thousands of people whose only _crime_ (As **MR ASSSHIT **Saw it) were that they were Jewish. When I first read a bit of Anne's diary I myself was twelve but unfortunately I had no clue of WWII nor was I prodigious as Anne (when she was punished to write an essay about Quacking, as she was talking during class, she made it into a story with swans that won her the deserved applause) so I wasn't completely interested in the diary nor did I understand the gravity of my stupidity. But now I'm wiser and I really love Anne Frank – I know I'm not talented as her and this is just a Fanfiction chapter of a Fanfic story but I will always **LOVE ANNE AS SHE WILL BE FOREVER A HERO IN HISTORY WHO HAD GOTTEN HER WISH IN A WAY, SHE BECAME A WRITER WITH HER OWN LIFE (WHICH MADE US FEEL THE UN-FELT HORRORS) AND I PRAY ALLAH ALMIGHTY WILL BLESS HER FOR ETERNITY.**

I Also Was Inspired by _Bones_ (The TV show), Both Indian and English Movies, Reviews on _Hot Gimmick_ (The Manga) and the manga itself, _Paradise Kiss_ that superb anime, _Gravitation _that anime taught me there was a food called Pocky, writers both online and in print: Sydney Sheldon's _Rage Of Angels_ inspired the line_"_…because, the illusion was finally gone.", Especially Margaret Atwood and her book _Bodily Harm_ which I have just finished and Orhan Pamuk with his book _Istanbul: Memories Of A City_ which I'm reading now. Also my friends Efad, Shazia, Falguni, Imrose and others; and of course my family are there as my inspirations.

I had just recently stumbled onto _I'm A PERVERT?_ By Writer Crafter Prevails (the _Writer_ part is in the penname) on FF . net. **It's an AWESOME story and SHE IS A WONDOROUS AUTHOR. Check it out guys ;)**

Well, by the end of this week I'm off to Savar (Check my Profile for full info)

**Love Ya BIOCAM AND ALL OTHERS WHO ARE FOLLOWING THIS STORY!!**


	6. Anonymously Yours:DITCON

**

* * *

**

**The Glass Self**  
_VI_ "Anonymously Yours: Deviancy in the cast of Normalcy"

* * *

In the artifice of speaking I collaborate myself to speak, listen and pretend in multitudes of pretences, yet my exuberance is premature.

In the clouded motions of execution I had rejoiced in speaking, for reflections have tender mouths and my exaltations are meticulously severed.

These statements mean…that…I…am trying to sound complex, not erectable, smooth or refined generic-individual. My purpose, my condition, cannot allow me to be open.

I am L after all

Anonymously: Lawliet Griffith

* * *

Anonymously I am Lawliet Griffith. It is this man, sans masked-yet-masked, whose stranger-eyes cast, almost the brilliance of novelty.

Anonymously I am L. It is this man, sans emotions-yet-emotional, whose familiar-eyes cast the exquisite sense of actions in flexibility.

I am stunned by my cogitations

I am the stranger of these both men

I am also the known

…So, I am the anonymous…

* * *

Why am I so artificial?

If the thought smoothens as mud to the dancing, seducing hands of the ardent potter than I know the answer simply: It is purpose.

The goal here is not sustenance of spirituality's ravished hungers but rather the hungers of moralities, societies depending on the outlooks and yes my own, tad-bit desires – I like to win.

Kira is an opponent

Others were players

This is how the battleground oozes ferocity, vitality and karmic alliances.

I am L

Anonymously I am designed to defeat Kira.

* * *

She converses and I am the pupil; to memorize her melodic idiosyncrasies, her voice and her other aptitudes of beauty. Certainly she is Aphrodite and Athena, Hestia and Amphitrite, glorified, reunited, allied in one vessel: yet she simply adorns the complexion of hers (the sweet creamy organ of her body, the largest calyx of man) with jeans, denim, and a tee, white (the similarity penetrates me as sex).

" Look, we are clothes-twins today!" she chirped with glossed lips, sensuous, they were naked of lipstick yet gleamed with her own appetite of candour and ease. My sexuality, my romanticism and something else felt penetrated ten folds over from the millionth time; this woman is an organism whose molded clay base may have had an angel's flesh incorporated into her.

Her ethereal armour (comprising of skin and persona) is an item cherish-able and ample in its design.

She is flowing as the moon, a nebula beyond my reach. Yet I'm the whimsical astronaut; thus I am the dreamer.

" That is quite true Misa-Misa…" I utter with the blank space of a orbital hole, " We are stigmatic twins: yet I don't think we are static."

She smiles, she is too kind. I am not abstaining from the usual – if I were to be a child of the forest than I will be all seasons in one day – I know my capacity to be queer is quite puzzling, even to me, the forest who does the deed.

" Do you ever think about Kira Lawliet?" the question was the ironical flesh that feeds life's humours: an understatement to the worldly hours I have wasted or triumphed to obtain my goals – Kira was my poisoned elixir – the creature fuelled me and deterred me, such a paradoxical task for me – and I am being taunted by this question. God, how does that strange hourglass keep its sands? It is both a desert and a paradise and I am just flooded by the opposites.

" Yes." The simple atom creates the atomic bomb. The bomb laughs at my situation; I can see my mutilated body flushed out by the radiation of irony. Irony is fearless as the ghastly undead and in that radiated bliss, that toxic euphoria of conversations quite casual, I state the matter of undecided equality, " Do you think that Kira is amongst us?"

" I have thought that maybe he is a student…" she purrs out, her sigh so authentically sensual as a breed of waxen love, a romantic incarnated in the body of a woman, so beautiful, this girl, this girl of absolute beauty (my eyes do not have that physical state only in consideration) puzzles me, quite the impossibility if my résumé was comprehended. " You know…" she continues with that sigh, it possesses the summer gale, hearty, full, ripened as a mango, deliciously yellow as though the sun was its mother, " I think you think I'm crazy."

This conjecture sabotages all my admirations in an axe-like motion: have I Lawliet Griffith given her the impression of a fellow of ignorance?

My heart cannot accept this destiny: it shrinks all ardour and satan oozes its wicked eyes with laughter at my predicament.

" Misa, I can never think you are crazy!" I am infused; the chemicals trail chaotically, the disbelief allows the voice to be sharpened.

Her surprise is rigidness, " I'm so sorry…I really am…I didn't mean…to offend you…" then she is inanimate, quite, bruised inwardly in that higher flesh that was not flesh. " I really did not mean to upset you Lawliet, I hope you understand."

It is with uncertainty that my realizations wake in the unease, had I truly cause her this melancholy-visage? Oh L aren't you the seed who curses the soil, " No, No, Misa-Misa. You haven't hurt my feelings at all."

" I know." Her face unsettled in an expression; her incoherency produced the square of incoherency – that double is my own mind's catalysis; its hyperactivity to comprehend angel-tongue: which is her model.

" You do?" my words are short; by definition it is confusion (if one knows one aspect of mine it is to be quite lengthy in explanations, when I know the replies, which is consistent to 95 percent on most scenarios).

" I know that maybe I really didn't offend you, I guess surprise is the right word." A smile is assisted in this reply whose assumptions I could not collect, " You see I'm just an ordinary person." In Eden maybe…but now our dimension is Earth my Dear, " I don't think a Kira-hunt is a wise decision."

" Is Kira wise My Dear." My question is popped like a convertible hood; the scene is more opened now, a casket of sun and air that is the vehicle.

" Excuse me?' my question touches her psyche as a rooted absurdity; how can a question be formulated in this composition. The Hyde-Jekyll syndrome is possibility in presumed impossibility; so the heart can possess such oddness and timid weirdness of a structure.

" Yes, do you think Kira is wise?" my question in repeat, stated so casually as a open window allowing the air, the interloper and resilient bee.

She ponders in a state quite silent, sans-breath, a living doll stroll, then with poised toned, " It depends on the individual – To Kira and his empire they are all intellects and prodigies, To L and his armada they are ignorant; and, to the denizens to boundless justice (meaning those who gather no interest) he may be right or wrong, fools are not there to love or hate, they exist as grass and cloud – creating the whole of space be curtained by an atmosphere."

I smile as the Cheshire of Wonderland for how wondrous was my Misa-Misa, a tempestuous magnet of all exquisite variety and smartness as the steel of katana designed to seek revelations, if beauty could see herself than Misa is her crystal likeness, A mirror whose reflection are quite accurately profiled. " You are right, so do you think you are wise?"

" It depends upon the viewer and the executor." She allows her accurate definition be made.

" Then I as a viewer believe it to be quite natural and positive." I give her my lips, they give the smile.

" But our opinions are not perfection." She gestures the philosophy, " Look at Kira. I am not a ravenous Kira-supporter; I get sickened by their cult, they hunger for a Utopia, a dystopia is what I call the reign of Kira. The Enforcer L and his valiant army are proof of the twisted look of Kira. Just think these organizations sprouting to stop Kira."

" What organizations?" Misa's ideas are quite in a altitude which states uniqueness.

" The police installations that have increased and I have assumed that the police themselves are taking international help and other measures, like new groups devoted in aiding and solely interested to capture Kira…" her voice energized with incitement, a small vine being clouded by the herbivore-insect, such climbing force could not provide for all humanity. Her accuracy enchanted me, my body, my soul, welcomed the music, if it be sensuality, loyalty, devotion, sexuality, intelligence, charm and a flexibility that governs _love_, the phenomenon, the quality, the chemical, the religion, the Eden who wears the name _love_ needs these features on her face, characteristics on her body, heartbeats in her soul: Then I Lawliet Griffith, Anonymously L, now declare himself to be _**in love **_with Misa Amane.

" Wow, what a wisdom." My sighs blurs my ability, intoxication serves are weight to those vocal-cords I possess; they seem rusty as a lever without the proper oiling.

" You think I'm funny, don't you." Drastic mechanism, my voice must speak, love's hushing natures must be second here, and her quietness must see peace.

" No Misa, I'm happy you thought about it." I explain.

" Yet why do you compare my passion for the Kira-hunt, with Kira's need for _justice_?" her quizzical-amused visage caught my heart, oh don't become immobile dear heart, do your circulatory obligations!

" I think…" let the flow renounce this track of passion, my heartbeat skips itself, " It's because to show you that your thoughts are important. They may seem to be quite the opposite as they have not made the headlines, but, they are as important as Kira's revolutionary attempts of the world and L's second-revolutionary stratagems in order to stop him. Your thoughts are methodical insertions into the cycle of the mortal world (as the affairs of the immortal hereafters are knowledge that angels learn in their universities)," our smiles collide with a guffaw, " They are prominent because they give rise to the world in general; just as binary digits make the electronic being, thoughts and feelings draw man." Then extended, " About the question of being wise (in the added text to the inquisition) it is there to remind us that our plans are wise to us unless others do come to tackle it – it's just an addition to know your thoughts, you know very well that I cannot compare your interests in Kira."

" Do you loathe Kira?" her question, softly, airily rounds an ether of its own.

" I am neutral about him, I cannot really judge him: he is as a shroud, a fog, as you might think – a being both natural and unnatural."

"What do you mean Racoon-eyes?" her interests swell, give rise to the procedure of inquiries and discussions, " I mean this seems…so…alluring…"

If _alluring_ was her term then I am undressed and I have mated with the angels; her compliment my cosmic happiness, if only I knew where love grew and who the farmer of this crop was I would thank him, yet, I know it is God, my Creator; well he wields a production most beyond any expectancy; Wait, He is meant to do that!

" Lawliet…?"

" You really loathe Kira don't you?" I had given the gap a delving misdirection; this is my visceral attempt to control my ecstasies.

" Well, I can't just accept the viewpoint some people have, how is so judicious; how he is like a neo-messiah. I just think in this age of man one must question, is the saviour a fictional creature One we have toiled as a Romeo-and-Juliet-stereotype to signify something can be kind and virtuous despite its savage repercussions? I mean is Kira really a Justice or is he Janice, duality, remember, he is addressed as Killer that is synonymous with Murderer."

" Quite a deduction, Holmes would kiss you for your questions at such a high level." I gesture with my arms up and smile, no grin, large.

Her eyes pointed, pouted, "Tell me you are not thinking I'm crazy Mr. Racoon-eyes, thus you have chosen to make fun of me."

" Oh no…" my grins elongated, " I'm not joking…"

" Hey, you're grinning like a maniac!"

Yes, my mouth shut: prisoned, barred uh, I'm such a freak! " Sorry, I just got carried away –"

" You still haven't the foggy-Kira theory!"

I stare at her, dangerously quite, irked, " I had not named it like that." My eyes are blunt.

She sneers in triumph, " Either that or Mad-Kira disease…"

" You have a knack for being a four year old adult…don't you…" my eyes lose sharpness, the stare in dumbness.

" Well I – Hey, How can a four-year old be an adult?!"

" Well, to the prepubescent little infant anything he or she utters is a grown-matured phenomenon…" I state with a mad grin of exploited jesting; she hits me with a strong punch on the shoulder, not a strength to bruise yet to prove innocence and spirit. " Well, Misa-Misa, foggy-Kira idea germinates from the fact that fogs are natural but they cloud people's normal perceptions so they are labelled to be unnatural as well."

" But how can Kira be natural?" her corners tense, mouth in stillness urges a effect of pressed audacity.

" Well, is it not man's desire to satisfy a sphere, a dream, an everyday phenomenon that is like a night-time story within his reach?"

" How can bringing death **give** a man a sense of _satisfaction_," her mouth gives off the sickened state of reluctance via an expression of closed steel, " It makes **no sense** to me; this is purely shit, corpse of a shit wish if you ask **me**."

" To the gardener the flower serves as food for hunger, to the rapist violence is his larynx, to the shopper consumption is a sanctuary, to the promiscuous sex is technique of keeping high hopes, to the artists portraits encase nature's secrets in a encoded mesh, to the masochist torture is a tongue he cannot cut off, to the business-man money has the medicinal qualities to eradicate unease and to the exhibitionist one's nudity shows truth to the world." I answer as a revolving umbrella; the rain eats me with her watery love for creating both friction and union.

" I see…" slowly, the words commanded, " …the point." In a breath, as if it were an external lung, " Kira believes murder is the effective way to resolve murder as if it is an organ transplant, heart for a heart, brain for a brain…" then with the stone comprehension, " He forgets that superficial symmetry cannot complete internal dimensions; the flesh is not one layer, it is many…"

" That is why he is anonymously Kira…" I smile with a statement, " Kira in nakedness means Kira dying under layers of unmitigated dimensions."

* * *

" If you had a choice to go into your own previous memories, which one would you want fixing?"

" That's a trick question, because my life seems linear, most scenes are consequential to another – it is as Near's puzzle pieces, they dwell into each other, a Kangaroo growing hundred bellies for a thousand sibling-infants; they are alien, bastards in many ways, but by their connection to the mother they share serve as the encodings of a program. Without those little toddling sequences the whole prime being dissolves into an asexual phase and gestates to another being."

" And this other being is something you don't want to become?"

" At this time, it seems too risky; transformation, I'm already a butterfly, a second-chrysalis is mutation."

" But mutations are also considered mandatory evolutions…"

" Yes, but evolution and mutation are not always identical twins."

" You have now become L; If you have not wish to be something else than you are comfortable in being him."

" The butterfly may liked being a pupa; who cares of vibrant colours when the enclose diamond cloth, that sacred skin began to be so much like a mother, an immortal room of all pleasures and sleep. Colours are for the world, you can only be colourless to your own self."

" Do you believe it L?"

" Watari, why are you asking me such a weird question." My pause lingers, building pressure, " You cannot seem to think –"

" L, are you not happy being a butterfly?" Watari denounces my security.

" It is a chameleon-butterfly that I am; such a hybrid, can be sustained in the world of homogenous yearnings?" I simply ponder.

He effuses, " What is heterogeneous and homogenous? The world is storms and rainbows is it not?"

" I am the mutation that cannot seem to remedy, cannot balance, it is as if I was cultivated out of darkness, like weeds in Eden."

" This is not heaven or hell; this Earth, a mortal inkling in the universe. So you cannot be a weed." Watari explains, " You are but a flower of the ripest bloom. Flowing cannot need the wind for your aura ripples making you great; that's the rose you are."

" Watari."

" Yes Lawliet?"

" I cannot pretend that I'm the butterfly that I covet to become…"

* * *

" Does Pookie-Pookie girl like chocolate?"

" Yes, one of my favourite brands is Mars," the skinny, black-silken girl told me, " Aren't you a fan of ice-cream as well?"

" If these items needed a mascot, I would surely apply for the post."

" Naturally." Giggling with evermore happiness; it is as if my words produce seeds, seeds that can feed something elegant within her.

" Though I do not know what a mascot of chocolate and ice-wonder-food is supposed to wear?" I cogitated with efficiency (seriously, it was an inquiry), " Possibly an ice-cream body with chocolate bar limbs and sprinkles and fruit candy as a décor?"

" That'll make you look like some peacock-cake!" She laughed as Pookie addressed the humour with the same action, " It's like I say to people you want something witty go to Racoon-Eyes!"

" Misa…" a bit oddly did Pookie sum the comment.

" Uh, What Kayako?" Misa you look hypnotically bewildered.

" Lawliet is so smart, he isn't a class clown!" more heartily was this pronounced – Misa, you weren't meaning I'm idiotic?

" Hey, when did I say that?" slightly incited, "Besides Lawliet is a genius playing many rhapsodies."

**I…**

**Am…?**

" Well tell that to Saki…" whispered secrecy but I possess the key, my ears function too meticulously Pookie.

" What about Miss Saki?" I addressed the subtly, interesting topic.

"Nothing." Swift incitement from golden angel to Pookie, " I for one think that you are great!"

" It's ok Misa, I know that everyone doesn't like me, if Saki is of that populace I have no interests to dissuade her fanciful-dislike of myself." My nonchalance as I tongue my Mars bar tentatively, poignantly, fresh, its sweet deepening mountains or specifically grains of cocoa and milk – tingling senses of the golden angel are reminded.

" It's nothing like that Lawliet…" she nervously covers the disdainful reality of preferred abhorrence; in reality man must twist this emotion as it is his clockwork-vice.

" It's just she prefers Light Yagami over you…" her mouth is disdained, Pookie says this feverishly, " But I think Light is inexcusably pompous."

" I prefer Light over myself as well. His perfection is energetically unique and his interests and persona are organized brilliance, his DNA is profoundly rare and so like a monopoly. I would, I should and I do envy him chiefly for all these quantities that he possesses." I smile (it is truthfully true; Light Yagami, a man, who I may not hate to be aside, Harry Potter).

" How…how can you, how can you say that…?" The melancholy of my Misa-Misa bewilders both me and Pookie, " I can't accept that Lawliet, you are a great person but…it is always ignorance that blinds the beholder," she is extremely awakened, " So what if Saki doesn't like you? I and Kayako just like you fine and…and, Light is not perfect either. He is Human, by birth his mechanism is to remain imperfect like the sun is supposed to shine…"

Misa,

You…

Made…

Me,

So…

Happy…

" Right." Pookie nods, " Lawliet do you like poetry?" she diversified the subject, my hate-quality to my interest-quality. I am the centred individual today.

" Yes, I love poetry." Though it's emotions, multiple times, are aliens to my indigenous sides.

" Well, do you like writing them?" Misa is just asking, no pure sight of psyche-interested are here.

" Yes I do."

" Really?!" both exclaim.

" Yes." Then I produced a paper:

" If a man requires gestation  
allow him to cool,  
to heat,  
to submerge in the surreal  
for his evolution requires  
shortcuts and follies  
to be able to stand  
paths in the manners of mortality-secure."

" Oh, what do you call that one?" Pookie asked.

" Standing Realm Of Man." I replied. My tongue somewhat indifferent; then I recalled those words, _But do you feel like the world thinks like you, I am near to the world and you are sorrowfully lost. Can't you see the pandemic? The world requires ignorance, unfortunately even you and me…that's why this is the mortal world after all…_

After all I suppose we are all distantly disarranged, in our own orders of punctualities: as an individual he lacks the desirous method of acceptance; the welcome to never things,

Hmm, I wonder how he is right now? The health of the other one should be satisfactory.

* * *

" Did you **have** to bring** him**…?" she believes she is whispering, to my senses it is a stampede.

" Why not? He likes strawberry short cake and we were both really tired by our joint literary project –"

" Which one?" she groans explicitly dampened by the company of me (which allows her face to resemble the blotted ceiling; dark and disheartened).

" That one the theory concerning that _Psychological Fiction requires a Sad taste_…" he spoke happily – I too like that project.

" That's a waste of time." She presses, delves, and asserts, everything negatively; as a dry pessimistic being of hundredth gravity, alert to only nonchalant misery.

" Lawliet, uh, do you like Coke or Pepsi? I keep on getting some junk mail on how you can win something free if you actually chose the drink of your choice, I mean with burgers and fries. Kinda odd but just wanna know what you like…?" it is obviously discerned by anyone with the cognizant psyche that he wishes to ignore her.

" Well, Light-kun, I like Pepsi 'cause its sweeter, I also like Coke though, in good food my probability cost begins to weaken, so, I gulp down both if I get the chance!" my smile sheepishly aware, " I like Dr. Pepper too!"

" Stop this ruckus about drinks!" her limit strained in all materials. Oh, why does she scream?

" Kiyomi stop screaming," Light is quietly furious (his countenance does the voluminous exposure), " Just **please stop**…ok…we'll stay quiet if it bothers you **that **much."

"Light, dear, I'm sorry." Kiyomi apologizes, then caters to me a glare.

" Umm, Miss Takada, may I at times call you Kiyomi?" I brave the friendliness.

" What…" her disbelief betrays reluctance.

I cannot give away the need for this connection, " Is it ok if I call you Kiyomi at times?"

Her realization at my perseverance: "Ok." I had won. How good the triumph is I suppose.

" Light," the teeth gritted, " Can you tell Lawliet that if he wishes to keep his appetite then he must stop **crunching** those M and M's."

Uh…cannot I; not consume with satisfaction? This sweetened, short, episodes of sugar conflicts not my appetite. Thus it a beautiful orb of Eden seeds (if one, such as I, foolishly, accentuate, prescribe a lovely definition of the sweetened, fleshy candy). " Alright Kiyomi-san," I had succumbed to her requirements, " I will stop eating the M and M's."

" Thank-you." It is kindness not suited for kindness; the raw, spoilt, half-cooked thing that just enters in show.

The powdered tension reminded me of sprinkles and baking soda; yes, my sweet-tooth is quite gargantuan, elaborated only to that state which humans may define as abnormality; which I break to "absolute" and "normality" for the freak is the princely principle of humanity; he urges, gains, grows a continuity with mortality that man's perfection is his capability to be utterly imperfect, disillusioned, ill-shaped, so he is as beauty in a earth inside; a fragment of gears, and might I display that gears offer no perfection, with their cogs agents of smoothness and coarsens and their skins edged with rough, un-plain, polished, galvanised materials. They flow feed to the machine called Life.

So it is not abnormality that is wrong but **wronged** due to the governor called acceptance. Acceptance is an empress and her jewels, gold and silver are artistically shown to her choices; it cascades in the kingdom called society; so if I am impure in her perception than I am the different vessel and so I must be purged so her government of archetypes and monotonous skeletons can reign in peace and ignorance.

Yet, what of self-acceptance? The true war lies in these two armies; if one has no down-core, no place, space to room herself then there is sure to be a battle.

As I gulp the strawberry cake my reflections are charged to this catalyst of mind-powering elixirs that we call sugar. I see Light understandably in silence as Kiyomi speaks and speaks of stuff I discerned to be of lovers' magic (Light seems immune to this magic), I decided to step away (a mental reference) from their love-conversation.

Yet, my discovery is that,

Light prefers Misa

I should know

I do too

And irritably, understandably, preferably, fancifully

Light is too much like me.

* * *

It is her face, the difference I can sketch: there a smiling fruit of heavenly masteries and now, a pallid pinkness of a sunset upon a grey day. Misa Amana, are you alright?

" Misa...Misa-Misa is this a bad time?"

"No...No, I, uh, do you want to come in…what do you want?" Misa, are you questioning? Her voice trembles and soon she cries.

" Misa!" I embrace her and enter her home. " What is…what is the matter…Oh Misa?!"

" Lawliet…I was just…my parents…" slightly incomprehensible, tangled with breaths of tears, she resembles the bruised cherub, pinkish and damp.

" What is it, Misa, settle down at first…" I consoled, wrapped, exceptionally dwelled on her form; my arms focused, strengthened, invited to embrace her.

After a few gulps, disoriented words, few sighs, " My parents…I remembered them…"

" Oh…" I knew it in full but pretences of anonymity must be preserved, engineering, sealed preciously.

" I think, you've heard…my parents were killed by a burger almost a year ago. It was horrible, the court hadn't even reached a verdict but Kira showed up and that guy committed suicide." She was explanatory though damaged in nerves and tears.

" Doesn't that make you like Kira in a way?" A question of coldness sans kindness yet it must be asked.

" I wanted to like him, support him, but my reasoning wouldn't allow it. Kira is too suspicious to be trusted and my parents…" A smile, " …they wouldn't be proud of me supporting Kira either, I don't want to go with altercations now; their last philosophies are unquestionably refined."

" Ah, a fine decision." Temporarily I admire the angel then ask, " Won't you rather finish dinner?"

" Oh…yeah…my noodles…" yet she watched the wall, a reflection? She seem disturbingly alert towards it as if a phantom lived there smiling with certainty that it is her childhood monster from underneath her bed, " I don't know if I am that hungry but I will eat…do you want some?"

" I don't mind." I smile, " A feast with company is food required for the whole being rather the food feasted alone."

She giggles, chuckles, laughs, then tears, " Thank-you, Thank-you Lawliet…and…" interruption, " How did you know where I lived?"

I giggled now, rather perturbing sight I must forewarn, " The University directory…" seriously, " You missed classes Misa and I have come to be your momentary rescuer." I wield it, " Notes and homework and all those things that are edible by the brain."

She does not smile, laugh, or answer directly, " I'm so exhausted…" Misa is bereaved; a word too massively abnormal. " Lawliet do you think I can talk to Ryuzaki at times; I think I need a pen-friend, if that's alright with you…?"

No,

Alright was a word capable of stating normality

This is sans normal, typical, generic – audacious to the most horrific point, how have I broken, with sin perhaps? I'm a sinner for anonymity thus anonymity desires my multi-conditional penance; nothing can inspire my hastening away from it, " Ryuzaki is introverted." Thus I kiss the lie, my whore of reason, " It is by the phenomenon called coincidence that we are companions, mutual accepting proximities and distances; north and south poles of a magnetic sociability." Then I point it, bullet-like, " What I mean is that he thinks I'm good company so I can carry on with him. But, he is rude and secretive and obviously avoids girls."

" So is the dude a misogynist or what?" Misa's frown, pouting lips, I wonder if they are squeezed out as such when she kisses…

" You have kissable lips." There…without thinking…

" What! You Hentai!" she looked so ignited, " You are so perverted! Have you come here to assault me or what!"

" I'm…I'm sorry…" I feel…so saddened…so in rage…I wish to cry… " I'll leave…I…I…am sorry…"

" Wait Lawliet I'm sorry…" she hugged me, " I'm sorry that…. I mean , it was just so sudden –"

" I admire you." I confess, " You are beautiful so forgive my perversion of commenting; women hate these attentions but I am doing it both because I am a man who thinks you are beautiful and also as an admirer seeing a potential muse."

" I know it was accidental…" she chirped, biting her tongue, out it came of her mouth, " You seem hypnotized," a laugh, in the expense of misunderstanding yet welcomed, " I know you are not really a Hentai but you are too nice not to be called one…" she laughs.

My smirk of mixed pleasure and irritation, " Either I fail to see a connection in Hentai and innocence or you have chosen a new unlovable nickname for me Misa-Misa."

" You are correct both ways Hentai!" she laughed.

" I guess as long it is not accusatory it can't be called harmful." I shrug in submission and am obviously smitten to the concept of friendliness.

" I am honoured though Racoon-eyes as your compliment is very, very, genuine," she doesn't finish allows her hand to carefully touch the shoulder, that is mine, " But," soon very serious, " You haven't told me about your misogynistic friend!"

"Uh," a serious allegation, yet, was it false deduction? " He never has considered women to be the weaker sex. He just doesn't like to interact with people." Then I continue, " He is just alive, programmed, grouped together, packaged in that manner and as our intimacy is questionable I believe it is such that his flaws do not bother me that much."

" Well, they should…" Misa lectures.

" But…I…" this a hazardous subject: I am Lawliet, I am Ryuzaki and I am L – She calls one the Racoon, the other peculiar and the third her project – am I a chimera in a lab? Under the microscope of the scientist who studies souls? She is a naiad and Grecian empress fluxing into one homogenous being, or it is me who sees this homogeneity? Or she is evolved Heterogeneity? Misa, you are a puzzle but I know Near will fail to solve you, nor can Light, nor can I – with our egotistically intelligences separated from our bodies of soul how can understand you? You are an earthly innocence; a rarity, a species as astral storms, filling the atmosphere with the universal, scorching lip-locking of eons and eons of experience. This experience is beyond my perception. I think…I think…I might just want to be with you…soul and body…as earth and sun…as the orbital system and the universe; as the axis and the moon. Then…there would bliss, like when stars shatter gasping out of the black womb of the limitless external, briefly, though memorably showing an inside.

" No buts, you gotta…Lawliet-kun, you are spaced out…?" she tilts her head and lightly slaps my cheek.

" Sorry, it's just, you know, I'm not that great with people." I laughed rather sheepishly, " Uh, I guess he also is like that. Maybe, I think he needs an opposite personality for the job. You know how opposites attract."

" Well, not all the time…" Misa-Misa looked awfully bored; yup, that was a misguided stereotype, " But I think maybe I might be a better person to talk to Ryuzaki."

" Uh, but why must always change gears in a machine?" Maybe, that wasn't the sorted out answer for defence.

Misa-Misa looked humbly as he were a child, " That's the point, though I know you meant it as a metaphor, Ryuzaki isn't a machine. He's a person, that's why I believe he needs that sort of comfort as, well, he's a human being."

" I sometimes forget he is one." Melancholy, you are so friendly-familiar, the error is you are not a bedfellow, " He can be so robotic. I feel as though he is a A.I.; an advanced A.I. one you desires to know human beings and then become a part of them."

* * *

" Are you not in the least worried of the hacker who upturned your University PC?"

" No, because the hacker was a curious fool…or…" my thumb-tip in my mouth, " An intelligent fool."

" What do you mean Ryuzaki?"

" Has he ever realized am I an alias or that I am the concrete-alias? That is a certainty I believe he is on forty percent sure of."

" Explain Ryuzaki."

" Watari, how do you observe me."

" As the child, the prodigy, the genius – all infused into a man-boy I raised."

" Yes, but that is because you know me. Now, visualize you are a senior lecturer, how would you observe me then?"

" As a person who studies too much, is too strange for a university youth but genius pardons the outcast and well horribly efficient and too eccentric to manage a girlfriend or a boyfriend."

" Precisely – though if I were to date a man it might have to be only Light, I am not really bisexual or homosexual."

" L have you gathered a penchant for the similar sex? Then what kind of men do you like? Is it only Light?"

" No, as I said I'm not really on that side of the fence nor do I like to visit it often." I laugh, " It is merely a incentive; if, I had to then Light would be the only one. But I have digressed, your observations are correct. Though I am not perfect person but people usually would not suspect me as the famous L."

" But people might." Watari arguably brought more peanuts for my ice-cream, food accentuating overflows of stereotypes should not be concentrated; he poured some more purposefully, in attentive display for his comment, "Not every peanut is shaped the same way, not all people will think you are not L."

" But Misa has not suspected me of being L and I am in her research category. Light Yagami, being so smart, has not done it either. Nor has Kiyomi Takada. The truth is that even my PC getting hacked can happen to anyone so there isn't much there to handle."

" L, what are you suggesting?"

" You gave me the answer. As an typical observer I look like the average weird guy, yes, many people are not betrayed by the obvious so they delve deeper as I have seen Misa do many a times with the concept of Kira's justice."

" I'm sorry to interrupt L but aren't you the topic Misa is trying hard to solve? Why is it that she has only solved Kira?"

" Because subconsciously she knows to understand L one must understand Kira as well, in respect to current affairs. I am trying to be the antithesis to what Kira is. Though I take crimes that challenge me does it not mean that by effect I also challenge Kira's principles and no one has yet bordered properly what Kira's principles are. In that regard Kira has become more dangerous to those who have perceived it." I let the lingering coldness of metallic utensil intermix with the soft-flavoured ice-cream, " Shall I continue with the topic of the hacking?"

" Yes, you may, though." Watari smiles softly, " That Misa girl is quite intelligent isn't she?"

" Yes, she has unearthed, buried, invisible potentials just patient for the shovel-force, discoverer flame to burst her into completion." Then with another spoon escaping into the mouth the hacker re-enters, " You see there is only an unconfirmed suspicion. So, my computer being a victim to curiosity is quite odd."

" What if the person in question is obsessed with the idea that you are L?"

" Naturally I have delved into that situation, if that were true I may have faced other forms of attacks – the most assessed one would be stalking."

" But, isn't that typical, maybe he expects you to expect it thus he deviates."

" I thought of that path but then other forms of curiosity would splurge. Think of it Watari, I am curious about L and I have had many manifestations of it. In Public and also personal and it has resonated to Kira has it not? He makes himself public too but he does not do anything else."

" An unknown target is easier to deceive than an unknown one; you are an open target, it would be harder to get to you." Watari carefully put the cream on the hot chocolate dipping a lovely bar of cocoa.

" Yes, but his attack seemed cold not passionate, not complete eagerness."

Watari spilt cream, " Not passionate?"

" He had accidentally given himself up, while he was hacking he did not even try that much nor did he attempt to re-try. Thus I find it odd, a person too driven cannot stop his calculations; Kira is an example. But a leisurely persons indicates a pre-formulation, I cannot disengage from this speculation Watari."

Watari smiled, " What do you think Ryuzaki?"

" I believe someone openly told this potential hacker that I am L."

Watari sterns his posture, " An infiltrator in the Japanese police who we are affiliated with?"

" That remains to be tested." I drink my chocolate, " Watari see if Souchiro Yagami and his team has arrived yet."

* * *

" First I want all of you to relieve yourselves from your pagers, cellphones and any other digital items that you carry to that nearby desk. Before you speak a word I would now begin with one thing: please call me Ryuzaki."

" Uh, Ryuzaki, we know now that you are the person we wished to establish contact with." Souchiro began but L made him amazed.

" Detective Yagami, are you sure that you think I am the person who is the person you wished to establish contact with."

" Yes, but…"

" Do you know my real name."

" I don't know for sure but you are called –"

" Yes, and have you seen me before?"

" I do not understand," a young man looked in awe, " Why do you speak to us with a voice synthesizer as you did while you did not appear in front of us?"

" That will remain a mystery won't it." I look smiling, " I had Watari sweep this place clean there are no bugs nor are there any transmitters of any sort to help you reveal my identity as this room is bounded a field, a pulse that does not allow wavelengths to go outside a specific perimeter."

" What?" all of them especially the young man looked bewildered.

" Firstly what is your name?" I pointed to the young man.

" I'm Matsuda , Ryuzaki."

" Do you know who I am?"

" Yes, I think, you are a senior in the TO-OH University, your name there is Lawliet Griffith."

" So do you know how I really sound like?"

" Uh, no, I haven't met you in person."

" Do you know that I have my computers guarded all the time?"

" Do you?" Matsuda looked oddly and everyone seemed startled.

" Well yes, in fact I like to prep security every twenty-hours, the reason I started this recently is because I have started a joint investigation with you."

" Ryuzaki is it wise to keep your University computers with police data, it could be hacked." Souchiro complained yet I deviated.

" Do you want to look into the files yourself after the meeting is over, then you can make copies of them and send them to your Chief and the others in your department?"

" But won't that be somewhat unsafe Lawliet I mean Ryuzaki…?"

" Mr. Lawliet Griffith I think it is better if you tell us what you want to proceed with…" a man with an afro impatiently spoke.

" Aizawa!" Souchiro obviously did not like his impatience.

" Sorry, it's just that Ryuzaki I feel we know…"

" …that none of you are spies for anyone else." I finish my chocolate drink.

" What?" it was unanimous.

" Did you like your chocolate drink gentleman, I had laced with a certain form of truth serum."

" What but why?" Souchiro protested.

" Firstly, all those things I said to you was a lie. Yes, there can be speculation as to my name Lawliet Griffith as being my real one but none of you questioned it, Secondly none of you seem strangely dispersed about the blocking device," I had forgone my voice synthesizer, " If you had any bugs that would mean that you were deeply in trouble for I had unhinged them but…you did not at all seemed perturbed, of course these cannot be proof enough of anything. Because before you guys saw me Watari asked you to help him sweep the room did he not? But the person who might have been a spy could have thought that Watari being an old man or that as you are police may definitely be asked to assist so any potential spy might have snuck in a bug, but Watari did not tell you about the blocking device hence none of you really reacted or even attempted not to react. And finally the chocolate drink, it is laced, none of it did not attempt not to drink it with a suspicion that it could be laced, either sloppy spy-work or a innocent action. Well, you did not seem to accidentally spill or break the mug in an attempt to not drink the hot chocolate. And finally, the special truth serum that I have perfected is easily the charm to any discovery. You see Souchiro Yagami getting agitated more because that is what he feeling then, Aizawa getting all riled up and Matsuda becoming nervous. Well, one more thing I guess I can say is that the others did not feel any strong feeling aside anxiety so that's why they were sweating and keeping silent."

" Ryuzaki, why did you…" Souchiro Yagami looked oddly at me, interception yet once more.

" Well, my computers at University have no safety on; a hacker would have known that, a spy would have known that because Watari said that a hacker just casually went through my things on my PC, the one I keep for University purposes."

" But, why would a hacker do that? What can he gain from…unless he thinks you are L!" Matsuda is sure eager.

" Ryuzaki, Ryuzaki is there a possibility that someone has found out about you?" Detective Yagami questioned.

" I don't understand something, why is it that you immersed yourself with the University populace? You have become quite open." A quiet one questioned.

" And you are?"

" I'm Mogi Ryuzaki."

" Well Mogi its quite simple really, first of all we had deducted that Kira could be a school student. Furthermore when he realized we were on to him he changed his patterns. But, I wasn't dissuaded easily. I had a feeling that this Kira could be a cram school student thus I decided that I would want to go to a possible University that might allow swift access towards other universities, academically speaking to the superficial eye."

" The possibilities of Kira being a student is an enormous strain." Detective Yagami looked sad, " Just think if their parents ever discovered it."

" That's not really an issue right now." I know that indifference was apparent yet those conclusions are future and not present, " What I suggest is that divide our work loads and get to it. I think there could be possible leads already in the way Kira murders his victims."

" Yes, but they are presumptions –" Matsuda is quite talkative, yet his curiosity is splendid.

" We have only these theories now," I resigned to the obvious obliviousness, " We must construct with them."

* * *

" Remember the first time I met you?" he hit beautifully, One…Two…Three…

" Yes." One…Two…Three…from me… " I think I remember though." One…Two…Three

" Well, it was the entrance exams, the invigilator scolded you for sitting with your legs crouched on the chair. The girls, well some of them, were freaked out." One…Two…Three…Four…Five

One…Two… " Well, I can guess." Three…Four… " I was glad we both became freshman representatives." Five…

" Yes," One… " This ball-launching machine bites after a while though it does help you warm up."

" Do you suggest we play a game for real?" …None…I stopped…

" Uh, Lawliet look out!" Light Yagami shouted and the ball hit my cheek…hard. "Oops."

" It's alright." I smile, " So, how about a game Light?"

" Exactly, though do you know how good I am?"

" Only can I play you to find out Light-kun."

" Hey you two! The court has to be temporarily closed, maintenance. Sorry for the inconvenience but please do come back later." This pupil instructed as Light looked with the pallid expression of disappointment and I hailed a similar face.

" Well Light-kun, maybe some other time?"

" Exactly. But we are already play a game now." He smiles and I think those strange sentences.

" Uh, really?" may I muster more; confusion – apparels that mostly Misa brings, well, Light seems to share the craft.

" Well I guess we are playing the game of getting acquainted." He laughs, " I like you a lot."

" What about Kiyomi Takada-san?"

Light looks annoyed, " Who cares what she thinks?"

* * *

It is those sentences of "game" and "play" that has always seemed to me metaphysical. I wasn't wrong; these words of childlike, related to infant-ness is not to be taken as naivety. One sees this in Anita Desai _Games at Twilight_ a short story where human infants in their world of plays establish deeper, darker human phenomena of psychology. I see it in his words. The casualness of the word is as if he plays games incessantly thus he minds not constructing even minor expressions with them. The haunting did not dissipate; it had now the body of the deluge.

The eeriness of the clandestine ghost

I felt that Light was a deluge

He can drown others.

* * *

" Lawliet, do you completely trust the Japanese Police?"

" Watari, how much do you know me?"

" I can write several encyclopaedias on your divisions."

" Then write the information." I tease his brains for my immediacy.

" You are not through interrogating them."

" Exactly, I have decided to use FBI to act as surveillance."

" Good choice, they are good at that I guess."

" Yes, I suppose, but we can't trust that they will be a hundred percent successful."

" And you believe in hundred percent successions?"

" Yes, though I lie and make people unaware by saying things like only two percent suspicions even work for me."

" But Lawliet they do."

" Not all the time Wammy, it depends on the case."

" Uh, how was tennis with Light?"

" That is so coincidental."

" Alright, Alright don't be sarcastic, but you seemed upset about the game, did you lose?"

" There was no game to win hence we are winners in the practice against the machine." My brow arched, an elevation, " Did you believe I have lost?"

" Is that the egotistical, perfectionist Lawliet?" the rhetoric enhanced with a modest shake of the head, accentuating negativity.

" Oh please Wammy, I do not boast yet," I eat my ice-cream, " You, unfortunately, do when it concerns me. I am to you as a prized sword to a duellist. I cannot lose as my steel is that of the sharpest comparatively to others; but, this is what the duellist would like to think. It is as a hereditary optimism. It neither disallows the negative and with confidence mating with luck produces victory."

" Let's just say that as my adoptive son you are quite my treasure." Wammy gave me the additions to my bowl, more of ice-heaven-craft, " But, I do not wish for you to lose Lawliet. Your loss to Kira, this whole case, unlike others, is as the epic Mahabharata, the Noah's ark of salvation. Unlike others, you cannot lose for the killer does not kill only microscopically but yields a talon that destroys masses. Lawliet, promise me you'll win."

His urgent confessions are but a love concretely imbued with the genuine but I bark irate, " I cannot make promises!"

" Why not Lawliet?" he looks as the stern father, the Frankenstein to his monster (though it seems so because I had been blessed by God by him, neither he or I see as creator or creation, just a rough semblance for biology is not found her, pity as it would be simpler if I were truly his spawn), " Did you not speak how you loved challenges? How you treat the case as a game…before the cops left you spoke truthfully you said you and Kira have a similitude, fortunately or unfortunately is not the case, but you are also an immature person as he or she who has the urge to win and failure to win is something you cannot accept."

" Winning isn't everything." I bit into the metallic apparatus, lead, hunger-less, motionless, corpse-washed hard meets living tongue, " Winning never really certifies anything, well winning is a design that burst forth to other designs. I have realized this by the gravity of this case."

" What do you mean Lawliet?"

" You are right of Kira affecting the masses, Of Kira being the pollinator of the crazed seed that has sprouted the ill-balance of the mortal yin-yang frontier, thus, I must win in all completion and that means either I, L, Ryuzaki, the main persona – Lawliet Griffith, whatever you wish to call me must win against the killing mechanism, the reaper of the world, Kira. If I lose, the world might lose: there's no guarantee that the world will be restored when I win, the principle of a revolution is limitless as spoken in Chiho Saito's masterpiece _Revolutionary Girl Utena_: the world cannot be a limited fairytale castle it will break from the shell, it will be a chick born out of limitation, defying its cocoon and accepting the limitless. But, the world will definitely lose if I lose for Kira will keep promising what mortals cannot promise and that is EDEN ON EARTH."

" Lawliet…" Watari, I am serious.

" Watari I promise that I will defeat Kira and I will live to see it happen."

" Lawliet!" immersed was he in my unique resolution.

" Though the whole of me need not live to see that happening all I need is a part of me alive." I smile.

" Lawliet, I understand." Watari spoke with eyes cast into emptiness and haze, it required effort, " Lawliet have you considered talking to Xavier Regal?"

" No, he bores me with his attacks and viciousness." Oh ice-cream, I love you.

" Lawliet it could be Xavier Regal who attacked your PC, he is Matt's stepbrother and proclaims himself to be your brother."

" He might proclaim that he is an Angel incarnate." Does the sentence categorize the person, " He is but a foolish hunter seeking a hunt too bored and unaffected by him. Even when he spears me, guts me, eats at my entrails, I lay limply as I did when I have seen his proclamation as an angel."

" I still think you shouldn't underestimate him Lawliet?"

" Who is underestimating Wammy?" That is blatant weirdness if it be so, " He just bores me though his strengths are quite magnificent, perfectly utilized, he is Matt's brother after all."

" Well aren't you –"

" He might have a hand at it but it's not usual for him to do something this petty. Why do I feel that this, the hacking, is just a person's way of teasing and annoying me and nothing serious."

" Why do you feel that?"

" There's a certain parenthesis in the air and it says 'I can get away with it, Fuck you.'" I eat the vanilla portion, " Believe me I have my suspicions but after scrutinizing, despite the dangers of being the known target, I believe this hiatus, immobility is perhaps attention begging rather than actual infiltration; though it might mean he wants me to seek him out it also seems quite like a childish display of some kind of challenge. Nothing serious."

" Still Xavier Regal may find it worthwhile to think of capturing Kira." Watari refills the chocolate heaven.

" Naturally, yet though he is an awesome investigator he lacks stepping outside his binary fortress, his geometrical universe, thus, he might actually fail in assessing Kira, for who, unlike him, has not classified himself as a cyber-entity." Chocolate when you go off into my mouth, the Niagara you create is adrenalin ecstasy.

" Hmm, despite that I'm still glad you have considered him as a person worth not underestimating." Watari, smiles, ignites in a blissful peaceful understanding.

" Watari do you believe I underestimate everyone?" the annoyance is quite valid for the presumption a disaster.

" No, but you are quite an infant at many a times unable to accept the fact that annoyances even has to be estimated, scrutinized and communicated with."

" Watari, give me the phone."

* * *

" Hello, who is this? It's four in the morning…"

" Knock, Knock."

" What the fuck?"

" Knock, Knock."

" What uh, who's there?"

" How come you are asleep?"

" I had a feeling it was you, you asshole." Then he breathes, " For your answer I decided to take a break, I broke into the FBI central computer the other day. Made me happy to see them squirming. They have got agents trying to persuade me from pulling these pranks. I heard you got service from the FBI or shall I say that I saw on my pixel-eye that you are going to have the FBI scour for these delicate tid-bits of the Japanese Police. You could have just asked me?"

" Xavier you aren't always present in the real, physical world." I confirm, " Your world cannot have too much certified physics; you need the freer physics of the dynamic world of electric simulations."

" That's true, a malice and a magic, that's what I am." Then with roughness, " How is my idiotic stepbrother Matt, does he realize that he will never become your successor? Does he still hang out with Mr. Androgynous?"

" I believe he never wanted to be my successor, he cannot allow visual dynamics to stop him from the physical space he was born into; I guess he wants the real world as he wants the physical. You, however, cannot understand this balance. And Mello is that boy's name, the one he hangs about with."

" I think I like near better, femininity in him suits better than in Mr. Androgynous." He yawns.

" You have such a stereotypical view of the sexes." I say bored, emotionless, the narrowness is a bad bee-sting,

The response, " No, I do not. But I know these stereotypes can effectively tease people, so I use them."

" It's quite sad seeing you're as pretty as Mello and Near." I chuckle with interest.

" Huh, well, I guess." A chuckled response, " What is it you want?"

" Was it you who hacked my PC Xavier or did you get someone else to do it. I think it was someone else for you usually like blowing them up with your viruses. I lost seven computers for you already, be glad I don't bill you."

" Figures you would figure it out Mr. SuperBlack-Eyed-Pale-Asshole. But what made you give an ear about it?"

" Well when Watari suggesting your name I thought it could be you but seriously I forgot about you till then." I yawned and sneezed.

" You asshole! You forgot about me!" he raged, " I'll show you!"

My laptop blew up, " Uh, you do know I keep copies of all my files."

" Yes, but I know it made you mad." He laughed.

My eyes dimmed, " You do know I am going to charge you again, this time for all the eight devices you have recently broke."

His laugher dropped, " Fine. Yes, I made this American hacker do it. He's going to Japan actually to meet a friend soon. He's goof but not as me."

" Why did you do it?" I know I interrupted his smile of ego.

" I got a call from a person close to you. He told me to do it."

My eyes dimmed, " You are not good at keeping secrets Xavier but thanks for being honest. I think I might work with you in the Kira case."

" I was waiting for your invitation." He laughed.

" Goodnight Xavier."

So, it is him.

The marble ball collides with her twins hoping in effort to command them. She is not the governor but the governed for her siblings disperse and she must attempt chase. You forgot this my person close to me. I wonder why so? Yet I cannot chastise you.

Wait, a call, " Hello."

" I was feeling bored."

" Light-kun. You aren't asleep it's really early morning."

" I don't care it's early, I don't care if it's dark outside; So, do you wanna go out? Wanna hang out?"

" Yes."

* * *

**Author's Note:** This chapter is 9.977 words long. _**It's the longest chapter I have ever written!**_ _**THANK ALLAH ALMIGHTY, I Think it's an accomplishmen**_t!!!! Well my friends, family and other authors influenced me a lot. I am having a very hectic 3rd Semester in my University so it'll take time for the next update! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


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